Knocking on Heavens Door.

[CaediaThrn]

The first thing Caedia was aware of was white. There was nothing but fluffy white warmth around her and she was laying on a dream. Or maybe it was a cloud with as soft and cradling as it was.

With all the white warmth around her she was also subtly aware of the close sound of rain and the gentle cool breeze and blew across her bare arm. This was definitely heaven, what else could be so inviting, and so perfect and peaceful.

She had closed her eyes immediately after glimpsing the first shock of white because her eyes weren't ready to adjust yet. She was vaguely aware of another warmer spot at her back and figured since she was floating or sleeping on the clouds that it was probably the sun there to keep her comfortable.

She realized she was dead, but why? As much as she tried the events that lead her to this heaven wouldn't come, she finally succumbed to the pull of sleep once more.

She didn't know how long it took her to come back out but the white wasn't as bright this time when she opened her eyes and turned just the slightest. She was still surrounded by white and soft fluffiness but she was aware this time that it wasn't a cloud, but an amazingly comfortable bed.

The rain still spattered against the ground to create a soft lulling cadence that made her smile and the soft crinkling noise that was being made when she'd move made her sigh contently.

She was also aware that the warm spot at her back was still there only this time it was against her whole left side of her back. She still didn't have the heart to move much and break the spell, there would be plenty of time to explore heaven at a later time.

She tried once more to recall the reasons she was in this place of perfection with it's security and peace and her tired mind refused to work. She sighed once more and closed her eyes.

She hadn't meant to fall back asleep but apparently she had because this time when she came into awareness it was all dark around her. She still heard the peaceful rain falling loyally to the ground to keep her comforted. Still felt the cool ever present breeze and still felt extremely comfortable no matter what she did in the soft bed. She also could still hear the comforting crinkle of the comforter over her as she moved slightly and the warm spot on her back was now fully covering the whole of that, plus there was an arm around her waist.

Someone was with her! Before she had time to really wonder (she was in heaven she had no fear and their presence didn't seem threatening to her anyway..) she was suddenly gasping for air and holding her head. Her mind had decided to wake up and give her what she had previously been struggling for.

The events leading to her death came crashing down around her like a sick and twisted cinematic movie put on fast forward. She shuddered violently and felt the arm tighten on her and she was pulled tighter to the chest on her back.

She whimpered lightly and.. since it was heaven, nothing was wrong here and she wouldn't have to be ashamed, she cried. Safe in the arms of her warm Angel, she cried until she could cry no more and dropped back into an exhausted sleep.

Kheldar had been with her as much as he possibly could and was used to her coming half out of the sleep and whimpering or thrashing a bit. He'd learned early on not to try and talk to her at that point because in her half aware state it only made her anguish more.

So the last few times she'd come into half awareness he'd been as still as possible and just let the warmth of his body comfort her until she stopped moving and -then- he could pet her into comfort once more. He'd stayed up so long though that when she finally started waking and began to cry he was struggling to clear the sleep from his body. By the time he was fully aware and realized that she was indeed crying and crying hard, he was reluctant to speak. He knew how much she hated crying in front of anyone even himself and so the fact that she was just made him hold her tight until she finally slid under again.

He sighed as her breathing finally slumped into the familiar deepness again and renewed his vow to unleash his anger. A kiss to the back of her head as he tucked her back in and he curled up once more against her and tried for more sleep himself.

It was a near day later that she blinked back into awareness and realized for the first time that not only was her warmth gone but that she wasn't in heaven at all. Her eyes focused enough to give view to the familiar walls of the monastary and realized she was in the special bed of healing. A sadness and anger flashed through her but she lay there lethargically for a bit.

She finally moved to look around the room and slid out from between the covers to head for a bathroom break. It was when she came back and was tying her robes back in place that she found someone in her room.

Silver eyes were looking back at her widely, he'd been freaked out that he had lost his charge and immediately went to hug her until she held her arms out at length to him.

"Don't." He stopped immediately, the fear turning into slight sadness.

"I.. I just stepped out for some lunch. I didn't know you would wake, I'm sorry." He said quietly as she headed back towards the bed.

"You're fine." She replied even quieter and tucked her covers up over her. He came into view and she looked at him again.

"Where's Kheldar?" Iain was busy picking up a bottle and pulling out a packet as she questioned him.

"He.. had things to take care of. He'll be back later." He said carefully and opened the packet up.

She just shrugged lethargically and let her eyes focus on his shirt instead.

"You weren't supposed to wake up for awhile longer or he would have been here, mom." He said softly at that, indeed Kheldar had been reluctant to leave save for the fact she'd been sleeping so well again and wasn't due up.

"It doesn't matter." She said flatly and shrugged once more before focusing on the packet he held out towards her.

"Take these please." She quirked a brow at him.

"What are they?" She looked at them suspiciously and sat up a bit. She knew his nature though and that he wouldn't have her take anything dangerous but she was a suspicious person by default.

"They're to help the healing." He smoothed over, neglecting to mention that they would put her back to sleep to aid that healing.

She finally took them and washed them down with a cup of water by the bed and then laid back down. Iain sat down carefully next to her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked cautiously as he waited for the herbs to work.

"I don't want to talk about it." Was the flat answer and then she sighed and tried once more with a little more gentleness. "I thought I would die."

He flinched a bit but didn't immediately react. After a few moments he spoke with the voice of wisdom that he had been supressing as he had settled into the simple life of a boy.

"It was a sign that was shown to you, when you hit the swords. By all means you should have hit your neck or head and instantly died, and if not certainly afterwards but we found you in time. It just.. wasn't your time."

She had sucked in a breath at that and shuddered at his brashness. It was then she remembered his abilities and sighed heavily. She began an intent and quiet study on the engagement ring on her finger and Iain followed her gaze.

"It nearly killed him when he found out you were gone and we couldn't find you." He was speaking very quietly and gently but it looked as though he had slapped her instead.

"I don't love him." She said flatly and dropped her hand back under the covers. "He was just a stepping stone to get over Bane and being sober."

Iain just looked at her a few moments and smiled sadly. "You need to practice that. Even without my powers he'd be able to see through that instantly."

Caedia snorted lightly. "I'll work on it." She sighed. "So when am I going to be able to lie to you and have you buy it?"

Iain smiled a little more. "Couple more months when my powers fade." The woman near him just nodded a bit.

He could tell the herbs were starting to kick in as her voice started getting a bit sluggish. He reached down to pet her hair off her neck as Kheldar had been obsessively doing previously.

Why do you keep doing that? Iain had asked after watching him make sure after every time Caedia shifted.

Because she hates the hair on her neck when she's sleeping. Kheldar had immediately answered with his eyes still filled with the misery of watching his girl once again quiet and listless.

Iain hadn't asked much after that it was hard enough seeing his mom like that much less the big man he'd grown to love hurting.

Unfortunately for him though as soon as he touched her she stiffened immensely.

"Don't touch me!" The words came out cracked and hate filled and made him jerk back in surprise.

She was shaking now as much as he was and had covered her face with her hands.

"Mom," his voice was barely a whisper now, "I would -never- treat you like they did." His own voice was quavering as he watched her, he could feel the emotions radiating from her.

It was a few minutes later after she absorbed that and had fought the tears that we welling up that she finally reached out and pulled him under the covers with her. He snuggled his tiny back up against her chest and held the arm she had holding him.

He didn't say anything about the tears he knew she was shedding and instead quietly lay there cuddled up under the covers with her until she finally relaxed against him once more sleeping again.