Letters to Xanth

[Spell]

Dear Xanth,

A Goblin spoke to me when I returned to the Isle! She said "JESSE! WHO'S THE STRONGEST KEEPER?" and I said "Xanth, of course!" and she went. "But Xanth isn't a Keeper!"

To that, I replied. "He's the Keeper.. OF MY HEART."

I thought you would like to know this.

Beloved wife and Mother to your seven kitten children,
Jesse

[Spell]

Dear Xanth,

Skeletons make terrible servants! They keep falling apart when I send them to do the most miniscule of tasks! I am constantly reminded of your loss against Lemmy because of them. Please work harder for the next Archmage Tournament! How else will we be able to cuddle in the Celestial Towers bed? Be sure to keep enough room for my Lem body pillow. Also you should become the Baron of Old Temple and take over the library again. Ser Matt seems quite interested in me going there. They ask me to use a card? A CARD OF ALL THINGS, XANTH! I will not be giving my name to some government card plot! They are hoarding knowledge from the masses and must be punished.

My tummy is currently rumbling. Tea will be served at 6 and dinner at 6:30. Please show up this time! You are wasting food, mister!

Yours forever and ever till undeath do us never part,
Jesse

[Spell]

Dearest Xanth,

I drew you another picture! I already applied glue to the back so you may place it on the wall of your study.

The day of Yule will be upon us soon! I have a dinner planned and everything!

XOXOXOXOXO

Jesse DeAngelo Van Bokkelen Smith

[Spell]

Dear Xanthy,

I drew a picture of you! It moves WITH MAGIC! You're dancing in a night club and casting mage bolts all over the place because those meanie hipster teenagers don't know how great you are!

XOXOXOXO
Yours Forever,
Jesse DeAngelo Van Bokkelen Smith

[Spell]

Dearest Xanth,

All Hallows' Eve will soon be upon us. While I will spend much of that night bewitching children with sweet songs. All so that they may follow me to their unknown slaughter. Since, as you know, I must use their sweet, innocent life force to help fuel mine philosopher's stone. Anyway, back on topic. I will be quite busy that night of nights but I believe I may pencil in an hour or two for you.

I have heard of such tales of "Halloween Parties", where the lesser beings of this planet dance in terribly priced costumes and act in such strange ways to procreate with another adult of their liking. I thought to mineself "Jesse, who would you like to procreate with?" and you, mine love, came to mind.

So I believe we should go to a Halloween party. I will instruct Steve to drive us, as I believe he is good at driving. If not I will cry to Fio and tell her not to give him any sort of `lovin'` for the next week or so.

Back to the subject of the party. You will be mine date. I have drawn a picture to show what you should wear.



As you can see, you will be a pumpkin. I, in all mine glory and innocence, will be a Nun -- for it matches mine pure lifestyle.

You are to meet me in front of the Red Dragon Inn at 8 PM SHARP on the 31st!

Love,
Your best wife,
And still the Greatest Archmage of Twilight Isle,
Jesse

PS. I am sure there will be pie and punch, so do not worry.
PPS. I do not believe Kotz-Yagon will be happy by the lack of strangulation which take place at these parties, so I will require you to be willing to strangle someone for me.