Too Blue: Madness Edition

The Most Anticipated Tournament of the Year

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Too Blue: Madness Edition

Post by JewellRavenlock »

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Introduction) 09.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Hellllooooooo RhyDin! Sapphire Ravenlock D'Artainian here along with the one and only Empress Overlady Jewell Ravenlock! Get this: The nice people over at KLIT-AM 900 Radio have asked us to come in once a week and do a radio show--

Jewell: Me. They asked me.

Sapphire: Technicality! They asked us to do predictions for this year’s Madness Tournament… live! On the air! Yay! [fireworks sound effect]

Jewell:
Just so everyone knows, I’m doing this under protest.

Sapphire: Right, no one cares. SO now that we got that out of the way, we’re supposed to uh… briefly introduce ourselves and discuss our credentials. You want to go first?

Jewell:
No.

Sapphire: Fine by me! As I said, this is Sapphire Ravenlock D'Artanian speaking, time and dimension hopping superhero and the offspring of a dueling dynasty: Jewell Ravenlock and Harris D'Artanian! Only not in this dimension but another one. It’s like being a sista from anotha mista.

Jewell: It’s not like that at all.

Sapphire:
Sure it is! So aside from having spectacular blue hair--that’s a credential, right?

Jewell:
No.

Sapphire: I am also a Warlord--

Jewell: You’re only a Commoner here.

Sapphire: TECHNICALITY! Again, sheesh. You and the technicalities. So, like I was saying, I am a Warlord back at home and I am a number eight seed in the Valmion Division this year. [fireworks sound effect] Pew pew pew! I’m awesome. Be sure to bet on me! Okay, Jewell, you’re up.

Jewell: Riiiight. Okay. This is Jewell Ravenlock speaking, your current Overlady of the Duel of Swords.

Sapphire: Empress. Empress Overlady.

Jewell: Right, Empress Overlady. Currently under challenge too it seems.

Sapphire: Jerks.

Jewell: Yeah. I’ve been the baron of Dragon’s Gate and Dockside at some point and have won at least one Warlord Tournament and defended my Overlord title twice so far. According to this list that has been put in front of me... [pauses and then something muffles the microphone partially] Did Kal make this list?

Sapphire: Uh… what? What are you doing about? Who? What list?

Jewell: [uncovers the microphone] Sapphire!

Sapphire: Yes yes! I’m sorry, he made the list.

Jewell: [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED]

Sapphire: Mother of Nature, it’s just a piece of paper. Yeesh.

Jewell: [sighs] I hate you for making me doing this.

Sapphire: Just finish your spiel.

Jewell: Fine! According to this stupid [EXPLETIVE DELETED] list, I am having the best year in Duel of Swords after Rachael Blackthorne. Hurrah. [sound of paper fluttering through the air]

Sapphire: Hurrah! [applause sound effect] Okay, so we’re going to be with you all through Madness 2017. We’re here to give you our predictions, interview some key players, and basically tell you who to put your money on in the betting pools. [stage whispers] Not Kalamere! So sit tight, RhyDin! We’re gonna cut to commercial break now, but when we come back, Jewell is going to share the thrilling history of Madness with us.

Jewell: I can’t wait.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 1) 16.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Happy Thursday RhyDin! Jewell and I are back to give you our Round 1 Madness 2017 predictions [spooky sound effect]

Jewell: And I’m missing some pretty important Fashion Week events here to do this so listen up and listen closely, because we’re going to keep this short.

Sapphire: Which is easy enough since Round 1 is only four duels! This year, with a smaller pool of fighters, we’ve got four entry level duels to kick off Madness. That’s eight people battling it out for the right to fight the number one seed in each division. All right Jewellsie, who do we have first?

Jewell: First up is the Ramirez Division. There we’re going to see Andu Kirost, number eight seed, fighting against Morgan Chae, number nine seed. They are fighting for the right to come up against the best number one seed in the entire tournament.

Sapphire: And who is that?

Jewell: Me! Gentlemen, a great privilege awaits one of you!

Sapphire: [“we’re not worthy” sound clip] Which one do you think it’ll be? My money is on Andu. He’s huge. And a bit weird about coffee. But huge. I don’t know who Morgan is though. Wait, did you just say gentlemen? Isn’t Morgan a chick?

Jewell: Nope, Morgan is a guy and he is the Empress Overlady pick for this match. I think he’s called Worst Chae, but even Worst Chae should be able to beat a minotaur.

Sapphire: Sound reasoning! On to the Monk Division. Here we have Munchem, a number eight seed, versus Kane Darkwing, the number nine seed. They’ll be fighting for the right to move on and face number one seed Rachael Blackthorne.

Jewell: Sapphire, I don’t think you’ve had the pleasure of meeting Munchem yet, have you?

Sapphire: Sure I did! Saw him last season. I’ve seen Kane too. He’s the squire for Old Market at the moment. Pretty cute, but probably less cute when Munchem crushes him in this fight, huh?

Jewell: Totally less cute. Sorry Kane, we’re giving this one to Munchem along with a few barrels of Mad Fairy Ale. Please don’t eat us! Now, moving on to the Valmion Division. [pause] You know, we can probably just skip this one. No one important is fighting here.

Sapphire: Shut up! Valmion Division is the most important in Round 1 because I’m fighting in it! [cheering sound effect] That’s right ladies and gentlemen, yours truly, ranked as a number eight seed, is taking on some person named… Leviathan. Huh, do you think it’s an actual Leviathan?

Jewell: Maybe!

Sapphire: Geeze, first a Lion Turtle last year and now a Leviathan. Tough luck.

Jewell: Rakeesh is not a Lion Turtle.

Sapphire: Whatever. We both know I’m going to win this one and move on to face number one seed Ellisa Morgan in Round 2.

Jewell: We’ll see about that.

Sapphire: [“your lack of faith disturbs me” sound clip] MOVING ON! Last division is the Max Division. [pause] Hey, is there legit not a single division named after a woman this year?

Jewell: Doesn’t look like it.

Sapphire: That’s [EXPLETIVE DELETED] ridiculous! And all the division managers are guys too?

Jewell: Yeeeeep

Sapphire: Way to be sexist, Madness Tournament.

Jewell: Seriously.

Sapphire: Fine, moving on to the MaxINE Division. We’ve got Nuy ranked at number eight versus Evangeline Vincent ranked at number nine. One of them is going to fight and move on to face… Oh. They’ll be facing E.

Jewell: Sapphire, are you blushing?

Sapphire: NO!

Jewell: You totally are.

Sapphire: Shut up! Just tell us all who you think is going to win this one.

Jewell: That’s easy. I have no idea who Nuy is but Evangeline did pretty well during her first Madness showing last year. She’s going to take this fight and move on to face dreamy E-licious. [sigh sound effect]

Sapphire: You’re not funny.

Jewell: I am hysterical! [laughing sound effect] [laughing sound effect] [laughing sound effect]

Sapphire: Stop stop! [boo sound effect] All right, that’s it for Round 1 people! Feel free to use our bounteous knowledge and experience when you place your final bets at The Line. Also, feel free to flip Kalamere off while you do so [“so shady” sound clip]. But seriously, go place your bets even if you don’t flip him off because it’s your last chance today.

And after this commercial break, we’re going to review some major upsets from the initial rounds of previous Madness Tournaments to get you mentally prepared for the emotional trauma coming your way when your brackets burn to the ground.

Jewell: Which they won’t if you’re smart enough to bet on me!

Sapphire: Didn’t everyone bet on you last year and then you lost in Round 1?

Jewell: Shhh
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 2, Ramirez Division) 23.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Happy happy Thursday everyone! We’re back with your best Madness 2017 Predictions! So Round 1 was interesting, huh?

Jewell: You didn’t even seen any of the duels except your own.

Sapphire: Well yeah, but I read the wrap-up of it and I’m glad it’s over now! On to Round 2 of Madness 2017 RhyDin where the action will really heat up [“go go go!” sound clip] We have a lot of duels to cover so we’re going to break it down by division. Let’s start with the Ramirez Division. First up there, we have The Empress Overlady, Jewell Ravenlock, number one seed, versus Andu Kirost, number eight seed. Andu beat Morgan Chae in Round 1 despite the Overlady’s predictions.

Jewell: Turns out that Worst Chae cannot beat a minotaur. Who knew?

Sapphire: Me! Since I was correct, Andu now gets to face the Empress Overlady. This chick sitting next to me has been having a pretty good year. She gained Dragon’s Gate barony last summer and then took the Overlord mantle from Claire this past fall. Since then, she’s defended it twice: against Hope Naharis and Andrea Anderson. She’s also set to defend again tonight against some other person whose name doesn’t matter.

Compared to that, Andu has been having a bit of a rough year. He has gotten in a lot of practice though. And he’s huge. Huh, I wonder who you think will win this one?

Jewell: Pretty sure I got it covered.

Sapphire: Even after your challenge tonight?

Jewell: Yep. I’m just that good.

Sapphire: You heard it here first, people. The Empress Overlady is just that good [“sooooo good!” sound clip]. On to the next fight! Elijah Solaris, number five seed, versus Xanth Van Bokken, number four.

Jewell: Didn’t Xanth just epically destroy you in an armed match the other day Sapphire?

Sapphire: How kind of you to bring that up! I don’t know if it was epic, but yes… he did beat me.

Jewell: Pretty sure it was a shutout in six rounds. That sounds pretty epic to me.

Sapphire: Fine. It was a little epic, all right?

Jewell: Yep! So Xanth has been busy being epic. What has Elijah done?

Sapphire: According to these stats I have, he’s actually been having a better year dueling wise than Xanth BUT you said you haven’t seen him around in a while, have you?

Jewell: Nope. And Xanth is the crowd favorite to win this one too, so I think I’m gonna go with him.

Sapphire: You go with Xanth but I’m going to go with Elijah because clearly Xanth used up all his luck beating me the other night and I like Elijah better anyway. He said I was hotter than you last year.

Jewell: WHAT!?

Sapphire: Yep. It’s true. He’s smart. And Xanth is just rude.

Jewell: Well yeah… I guess. I can’t believe he said you’re hotter than me, though. Craziness! Dude needs to get his eyes checked.

Sapphire: Harsh!

Jewell: Either way, one of those guys will be facing me in Round 3.

Sapphire: Are you sure Xanth is a guy? Do Liches even have genders? Have you checked under his robes at all?

Jewell: I have not and will not be anytime soon. Moving on! What do you think of this next one? Crunchem, at number six, versus Lirssa al Amat at number three.

Sapphire: This one is tough but it’s slated to take place tonight, so we won’t have too much time to worry over the outcome. Lirssa is the current Baron of Old Market. She’s been a baron for over a year actually and defended the title once to boot. But she’s got a pretty lousy record overall in Duel of Swords and she’s fighting a giant ogre. Oh… and she recently went renegade against my very favorite Overlady. [“not cool” sound clip]

Jewell: That she did. Verdict?

Sapphire: Crunchem takes this fight! [ding ding ding sound effect]

Jewell: Go Crunchem! On to the final fight for the Ramirez Division which is between two of my very favorite men of all time: Mason Hunky Harrigan, ranked at number seven this year, and Rand He-Is-Too-Cute al’Tan coming in as a number two seed.

Sapphire: Oooo tough one to call, huh?

Jewell: It is. I think I’m going to have to go with Rand on this one. Mase did amazing last year in Madness, but Rand has had a solid year on top of an impressive life-long record in the duels. Forgive me, Mase! Please still make me food!

Sapphire: Yeah Uncle Mase! Don’t stop feeding us! I’m sure it’ll be a super close duel!

Jewell: When we come back from commercial break, we’ll be talking about the Monk Division.

Sapphire: Worst. Division. Ever.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 2, Monk Division) 23.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: I just want to make it clear that we are only discussing Monk Division because we have to. Not because we want to.

Jewell: I want to.

Sapphire: That’s because you’re hopeless.

Jewell: So sweet. [awww sound effect] Let’s start with number one seed Rachael Blackthorne, loyal Baroness of New Haven!

Sapphire: Just like we predicted last week, Rachael will be facing Munchem, number eight seed, who crushed poor Kane in round one. This fight is apparently taking place shortly before the Overlord challenge tonight.

Jewell: I think Rachael has her work cut out for her in Round 2, but I have faith that she can beat Muchem. She made it all the way to the finals in Madness last year, won a Warlord Tournament this year, annnnnd got herself a barony. Just be quick on your feet, Rachael! And maybe wear some extra padding…

Sapphire: Or bribe him. Bribery totally works.

Jewell: That too!

Sapphire: Next we have Vince Smith at number five versus Rakeesh “the Lion Turtle” Sah Tarn at number four.

Jewell: Sapphire…

Sapphire: What? It’s an awesome nickname! He should be proud.

Jewell: You’re incorrigible.

Sapphire: Sometimes. I think Rakeesh is going to win this one.

Jewell: Why is that?

Sapphire: Because he beat me last year in Madness and anyone that can beat me like that is made of solid WIN [“oh yeah!” sound clip]. Also, I know you don’t care for Vince.

Jewell: That’s ancient history.

Sapphire: Which you still hold against him.

Jewell: Eh… not really. I mean sure, he slapped me around outside the ring like some abusive boyfriend I never even slept with and didn’t even bother to buy me dinner first BUT, like I said, ancient history.

Sapphire: You still think Rakeesh is going to win though, right?

Jewell: Oh absolutely! No doubt about that. Vinny is a solid duelist all around, but I think Rakeesh has the edge here because he’s not secretly d-bag.

Sapphire: Sorry Vin! You’re out.

Jewell: I believe the phrase is actually sorry not sorry? I heard the kids saying that one.

Sapphire: [silence]

Jewell: Oooookay. Maybe not.

Sapphire: Definitely not.

Jewell: Moving on! Next we have Baphelocutis, a number six seed, versus the Traitorous Renegade Baron of Old Temple, Aric Delevingne, seeded at number three.

Sapphire: Whoah whoah… Aric? Like the guy banging Lirssa?

Jewell: Yeah, that guy.

Sapphire: You mean the guy that’s currently challenging for Overlord even though he can’t even get to Warlord as a Baron?

Jewell: Uhuh…

Sapphire: The guy that was on your dueling team when he was brand new and no one else seemed to want to take a chance on him?

Jewell: Yes Sapphire

Sapphire: Is this also the same guy you told Uncle Matt to give the Overlord Grant to and that’s how he even got his barony in the first place?

Jewell: Yep

Sapphire: Did you also maybe not give your Overlord grant to someone and gave it to Aki instead because you thought that other person was likely going to challenge Aric if you did?

Jewell: Maaaaaybe.

Sapphire: Oh wow. What a tool! That guy is totally going down. And you can crush him in your challenge tonight too. Really make it sting. Maybe slash at him a few times.

Jewell: Fantastic idea. You hear that Baph? We think you’re going to win!

Sapphire: The last fight for the Lame Monk Division is Erin Dundbridge, a number seven seed, verus my favorite uncle, Old Man Matt Simon, a number two seed.

Jewell: Matt spent a portion of the year as Overlord, a title which he defended several times. He’s been keeping a low profile lately, but…

Sapphire: So has Erin. She only got one duel in during the last year. I know she’s ranked at Warlord still, but that’s a lot of rust to try to kick off.

Jewell: Unless Matt does one of his spinning backhands and knocks it all off for her [spinning backhand sound effect]. POW!

Sapphire: That would be awesome.

Jewell: Just not so much for Erin. Sorry E! I’m super excited to see you around; let’s get a drink after Matt beats you, kay? We’ve got some catching up to do.

Sapphire: Only you can’t drink anything more exciting than water these days.

Jewell: [sighs] You’re the worst.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 2, Valmion Division) 23.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Woo! Now we go from the worst division to the best division: Valmion Division!

Jewell: Why is it the best?

Sapphire: Duh! Because I’m still fighting in it after I kicked Leviathan’s butt the other night to move on to Round 2. By the way, did you all hear about this guy? He was super cute! Long hair. Killer stare (but not so killer moves, clearly!). Kind of has a water mage thing going for him. Annnnd he lives in a watch.

Jewell: A watch?

Sapphire: Yep! So at least he’s always on time [ba-dum-dum sound effect]

Jewell: You’re really lame.

Sapphire: Ahem! So, since I won and I’m awesome, I move on as a number eight seed to face the lovely Ellisa Morgan who is a number one seed this year.

Jewell: Pretty sure Ellisa won Madness last year, didn’t she?

Sapphire: Yeah so? A whole year has passed.

Jewell: And she’s been Overlord.

Sapphire: Are you saying you don’t think I can win this fight?

Jewell: [gasp!] I would never say that, but I’m not so sure you’re going to win.

Sapphire: Whatever. I have confidence in myself that I can win this one! If anyone else has their doubts, they should stop by the Annex on Sunday night at 9:00pm to see me kick the former Overlady’s butt.

Jewell: Thems fighting words!

Sapphire: You know it [“fight fight fight!” sound clip].

Jewell: Next on this list is Anubis Karos, a number five seed, versus the ever-delicious Salvador Delahada, seeded at number four. Nice job Sal!

Sapphire: I don’t know about delicious. More like murderous [horror movie sound effect]

Jewell: Kind of similar.

Sapphire: Only not at all.

Jewell: Either way, Sal’s had a pretty solid year in sword fighting annnnd he’s super hott. He also apologized for not bringing me flowers when I was in the hospital last month [awwww sound effect]

Sapphire: Awww so sweet! But you know, Uncle Nubi is pretty vicious.

Jewell: It’s so weird that you call him that [“creeeeeeepy” sound clip]

Sapphire: I blame you, or at least the other you, for sending me to stay with Auntie Tara and Uncle Nubi for a summer instead of going to the Cooking Summer Camp I wanted to attend. The things I learned that year…

Jewell: Stop stop stop! I don’t even want to know.

Sapphire: You’re probably right. You don’t.

Jewell: So the duel?

Sapphire: Let’s take opposite sides. I’m going with Uncle Nubi. You can do it! Beat the angsty Salvador.

Jewell: Sounds good. I’m going with a Sal win.

What about this fight? It’s Kheld, ranked at number six this year, versus one of my personal favorites, Napoleon! So excited Nappy is going to be fighting! [cheering sound effect]

Sapphire: Even though Napoleon hasn’t been around much, he still got a number three seed this year. I think I’m going to have to go with Kheld though.

Jewell: Nappy is my favorite to win this one, but I haven’t fully discounted Kheld at all. He let me knock some rust off him on Monday night. That guy is solid!

Sapphire: And nice.

Jewell: Oh yeah, totally super nice.

Sapphire: I’ve got your back Kheld! Prove her wrong and win!

Jewell: That’ll be fine! I won’t even be disappointed at all if he does even if I think Nappy is going to probably squeak by with the win. You get it? Squeak by?

Sapphire: Uhuh. You’re hilarious. So that wraps up our predictions for Valmion Division! Just one more division to go and we’re--

Jewell: You forgot the last match.

Sapphire: No I didn’t.

Jewell: You totally did. There’s one more match for the Valmion Division.

Sapphire: Oh, I know there’s one more match. I just didn’t forget about it. I don’t feel the need to say anything about it at all, actually.

Jewell: Sapphire…

Sapphire: FINE! The last match in Valmion Division is between Sylus Kurgen, lucky number seven, and some guy ranked number two who is a total shady jerk and also super tall. May the blessing of the fae go with you Sylus! Be careful he doesn’t shank you in the heart. Am I right?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: What?

Jewell: [quietly] I can’t believe you just said that live on air [something clatters to the floor] That’s really not funny. [shuffling] I’m done with this [EXPLETIVE DELETED] show. [the door slams shut]

Sapphire: Huh. I thought it was funny, and it’s a good warning too. I mean like, seriously... Sylus should really watch out that he doesn’t get stabbed in the heart. It’s a total killer move.

[sighs] Now I better go see if I can get her back in here to finish these predictions.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 2, Max Division) 23.03.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Soooo Jewell, do you want to start off the Max Division predictions for us?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: No? Yeah, I’ll take that as a no. Oookay. Mother of Nature, if looks could kill, I’d be dead.

So first we have E Smith, number one seed in Max Division, versus Nuy, the number eight seed. We previously predicted that Evangeline was going to be facing E, but Nuy grabbed the win in Round 1. Neither of us saw the fight, but Nuy almost lost the lead and barely squeaked out a win in the end. How do you think this is going to turn out this time?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: Riiiiight. That slow blink of your eyes? I’m taking that as support for E. That’s who I have my money on too even if he is apparently spreading rumors that we made out. Which we didn’t. But hey man, if you want to take me out sometime, I guess that’d be cool. I don’t just usually make out with random guys who don’t at least buy me a drink first, unlike some people I know.

Jewell: [huffs]

Sapphire: [clears throat] Okay then. E’s also been having a really solid year. He got his barony and then defended it immediately against the Overlord’s squire. Who happens to be fighting in this next matchup: Myria Graziano, a number five seed, versus Hajime Aki, a number four seed. I just know Jewell has an opinion on this one since she’s always been a fan of the Wrecking Crew and Aki is her squire. He also won the Talon of Redwin this year. So what do you think Jewell?

Jewell: [silence]

Sapphire: Come on. The station hired you because of your superior and copious knowledge of sword dueling and everyone in RhyDin wants to hear your lovely voice! You’ve got to tell us how this match is going to go!

Jewell: [sighs] Fine! Fine, okay? I’ll tell you how the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] match is going to go. Aki will probably win this one if he can [EXPLETIVE DELETED] remember anything I’ve taught him and he doesn’t disembowel himself right before the match for looking at a woman wrong or something.

Sapphire: [uneasy laughter] Better cover your eyes just to be safe, Aki!

Jewell: Sorry Baby Graz, this one has to go to my squire. Better luck next year. Tell your brothers I said hi though, okay?

Sapphire: Who is fighting in the next bout, Jewell?

Jewell: I don’t know.

Sapphire: I see you tore the paper with the match ups to pieces. Fantastic. Here, borrow mine.

Jewell: Whatever. Next we have Melanie Rostol, a number six seed, versus that guy Dimitrii who does stuff with ice at number three.

Sapphire: Stuff with the ice [laughs]. I haven’t seen him around since I’ve been back, but he’s pretty cute. Maybe Melanie will be distracted by his charming good looks?

Jewell: Or maybe she’ll melt whatever ice weapon he happens to be using with her lightsaber and impale him!

Sapphire: Wow. Harsh. I mean, I guess it’s possible but I kind of hope it doesn’t happen that way? Cute guys are in short supply on the lists this year. Also, shouldn’t you be a bit nicer about him? He did intercede during a challenge on your behalf earlier this year.

Jewell: Oh… right. I forgot about that. Sorry, I’ve been a bit busy dying and all lately. But I guess you’re right. Six helped me when he was Overlord, he won that baron tournament, and has been having a really good year in sword fighting overall. However, I don’t care for the way he looks at me like I’m going to do something mean or horrible to him at any moment.

Sapphire: Well… are you?

Jewell: Eh, you never know. Standing opposite of Six in this fight is Mel, whose fine behind has been missing around the dueling venues lately. Soooo go Six. Hurrah. You can do it. We believe in you.

Sapphire: Could you sound any less enthusiastic?

Jewell: Probably.

Sapphire: Please don’t try.

Jewell: All right.

Sapphire: Now it’s time for the last fight of Round 2! Cassius “the Dirty Roman” Maximius, ranked number seven, and Gren “THE MAN” Blockman, ranked at number two. [“Maximus! Maximus! Maximus!” sound clip]

Jewell: I’ll go with what I said last year: as long as Tara doesn’t come back from battling Clamtrude and she doesn’t spring out of the middle of the ring mid-fight, Gren will likely win this one. If she does, or even if some random, semi-attractive female under eighty-five just happens to flash a bit of bare ankle? Cassius will win.

Sapphire: Hear that Gren fans? Cover up from chin to toes if you want your favorite forest ranger to win! On the other hand, if you’re a Cassius fan? Have a streaking party in the Arena whenever this fight goes down.

Jewell: Thank you for that mental image.

Sapphire: What? You don’t want to see your favorite fans running around with boobs a flapping and dongs a--

Jewell: THAT’S IT FOR ROUND 2 EVERYONE!

Sapphire: [laughing] Don’t forget to come out and cheer on The Empress Overlady tonight in her battle against the Stupid Face Aric! Free Mad Fairy Ale for everyone cheering for the Overlord! Just tell the bartender it’s going on Kalamere Ar’Din’s tab.

Jewell: Sapphire… Seriously? Can you just not say something awful for ten minutes?

Sapphire: What? There’s nothing awful about free ale!
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Post by JewellRavenlock »

[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 3, Western Conference) 06.04.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: Welcome to another Thursday loyal listeners! Jewell is taking a much needed break to rest up for her Madness duel tomorrow night, so this week on Too Blue I've got at my side the awesome, former Archmage, lover of pink sparkles and pineapples: EDEN!

Eden: Hi! It's me! ...is there somewhere I'm supposed to look?

Sapphire: Nope! Whoa, careful where you're waving. You can look at the wall if you want. Or me. Or that ugly poster from RhyDin Rewind. I'm the best looking option though.

Eden: Oh, okay! Hi! I am here to speak to you about Madness which is funny cause I'm not so good at swords. I'm better with sparkles.

Sapphire: Which is totally fine. Our budget doesn't really allow for high credentials to get on the show. So, should we get started talking about some sword fights?

Eden: Uh-hunh! I am ready!

Sapphire: All right! ["let's get ready to ruuuuummmmble" sound clip] We're in round three of Madness 2017 right now, we’re down to the Sassy Sixteen, and the brackets are buuuurning [“burn baby burn” sound clip]! First up in the Western Conference under the Ramirez Division is our favorite Empress Overlady, Jewell Ravenlock, ranked at #1 versus Xanth Van... Something-something ranked at #4. What do you think about this match, Eden?

Eden: Ooh, I love Xanth! Did you know he adopted a bat friend at Pet Adoption Day!? Hi, Xanth and your batty friend!

Sapphire: I did not know that! It seems... perfectly fitting. He's kind of dark and floats around too, right? Unfortunately, despite his obvious supernatural powers, I don't think he can see that you're waving to him. Hey Xanth! Eden's waving to you!

Eden: Oh, right. I keep forgetting. Well, this is a tough fight for Xanth I think cause he's facing the Empress Overlady and she's been pretty good, and I'm worried that Xanth might be too nice to beat her.

Sapphire: Too nice? Huh... are we talking about the same person? Guy with a robe? Kind of seems like he belongs in a goth rock band or something?

Eden: He's not nice?

Sapphire: I guess he might be? Either way, I think Jewell's likely to beat him in this round and continue the winning streak she’s been on lately. Girl's on fire!

Eden: Good luck, Xanth! Be careful! We think the Empress Overlady might beat you!

Sapphire: Yeah, be careful! [snickering] Okay, the other fight in the Ramirez Division is between Big Bad Crunchem at #6 and Rand Too-Hott al’Tan at #2. They both fought really well last week.

Eden: Oh, I like Rand! He gives good high-fives. He should give Crunchem a high-five no matter what happens.

Sapphire: Maybe like a high-five right in the FACE! [slap sound effect] [pause] If he can reach. Crunchem is pretty tall. Also, he should be concerned about the ogre eating his hand off if he's hungry.

Eden: Ohhhh! Crunchem is the ogre! He is really big! Well Rand is quick, so it's like big and huge versus small and quick. And since I'm small and quick, I think I go with Rand. Also, his wife is pretty. Hi, Val!

Sapphire: Hi Val! Make us more chocolates please! We're both cheering on your randy Rand for you!

Eden: [something hits the mic] [muffled] She makes candy?

Sapphire: [muffled] Yeah, it's really good too. All different kinds of chocolate. We can go to my house after this and see if Jewell left us any to eat. She's kind of been pigging out on them though.

Eden: Okay! [giggle] Who's next?

Sapphire: Oh right! Predictions! ONWARDS! [cavalry charge sound effect] We're still in the Western Conference but onto Monk Division where we'll see Rachael Blackthorne, current Baron of New Haven and seeded at #1, face off against Rakeesh I'm-a-lion-turtle Sah Tarna seeded at #4. Rachael is actually under challenge now too by that guy Vinny, who is actually the person Rakeesh fought to get to round three. Weird.

Eden: Hunh? [pause] I don't know Rakeesh very well, but I think if Rachael summons Black Cat then he is done for cause Black Cat is serious business.

Sapphire: What's Black Cat? Can Black Cat defeat Rakeesh for sure? He's pretty tough. Nice too. But tough.

Eden: It's her armor thingy! I think.

Sapphire: Daaaaammmn her armor has a name? That's awesome. I need some hott armor with a cool name.

Eden: The Blue Basher? Ooh, Blue Steel? [giggle] Anywhoey, good luck with your challenge Rachael! Don't forget to summon Black Cat!

Sapphire: Blue Steel! I love it! Good luck in your fight Rachael. I'm pretty sure if you can beat Rakeesh that means you can beat Vinny in your challenge because hashtag dueling logic!

Now onto the final fight for the Western Conference in the Monk Division: Baphel-something, a #6 seed that kicked some serious butt last round, versus Matt God Simon at #2. Matt's kind of my favorite uncle, so I'm going to have to go with him on this one.

Eden: Important question. Does Matt actually use a sword or does he just punch in the face? Cause in magic he just punches in the face. Usually.

Sapphire: [laughs] I think he just holds a dagger for show and then gives people a spinning backhand for funnsies. Does that make a difference on who you think will win?

Eden: I don't know! Maybe! Well you picked Matt so I'll pick Baph cause that seems like the nice thing to do. Good luck, Baph!

Sapphire: He probably doesn't need it. I think he might be a dragon or something?

Eden: [gasp] That is awesome! [applauds] I want to see that!

Sapphire: Yeah, it would be pretty awesome to see Matt try to backhand a [CENSORED] dragon, huh? Let us know when you're fighting, Matt and Baph! Eden and I want to be there to cheer you on.

Annnnnd that's it for the Western Conference. Stay tuned after this commercial break if you want to hear us tackle the Eastern Conference. Which, come on... we both know that you do.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 3, Eastern Conference) 06.04.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: We're baaaaaack [horror movie stabbing sound clip] and here to discuss the Eastern Conference for Madness 2017. Starting off the battle there in the Valmion Division is the lovely, the amazing, the fierce, the unbeatable Ellisa Morgan at #1. [stage whisper] Hey Ellisa, was that nice enough? [normal voice] She'll be facing Anubis Karos, another favorite uncle of mine, at #5. Gotta say, kind of glad I didn't win against Ellisa. Don't think Uncle Nubi would forgive me for kicking his butt in the rings.

Eden: How many uncles do you have?

Sapphire: [laughing] Pretty much half the people on the Madness list this year. Mom and dad never bothered with a baby sitter. They'd just bring me along to the duels when they felt like fighting.

Eden: Oh. Okay! Well Anubis also has a pet that I love, Horus. So he must be nice. I pick him.

Sapphire: Isn't Horus a tortoise? It'd be pretty cool if Anubis rode him into battle in the rings. I'd pay to see that. Even then, I think Ellisa is going to win. She beat me last week, so she's clearly unstoppable.

Eden: I love you, Horus!

Sapphire: Okay okay okay, so I've been waiting for this next match! Here's another one of my uncles, Kheldar at #6, who I just knew would win last week, versus... oh this is too good, I can barely contain my joy! Kheldar is fighting my new favorite person on the planet, Sylus Kurgen, ranked at #7.

Eden: Oh, yay, Kheldar! He was my teammate on Hydra-Foil! Go Kheldar! [pause. whisper] Is this a close match-up?

Sapphire: Nope! I mean, I guess but most important is the fact that Sylus beat Kalamere the other night and I just can't wait to shake his hand.

Eden: Oh! Wow! Sylus! That's impressive! [pause] I still pick Kheldar.

Sapphire: Understandable. Kheldar is pretty awesome in a fight, but I'll be cheering for Sylus win or lose because anyone who can face Kal and walk away alive afterwards? Yeah, they're pretty impressive. And he took my advice and didn't get shanked! Good job Sylus!

Eden: [applauds] Good job!

Sapphire: The last two fights for Round Three are in the Max Division. First we have E Smith, who is ranked at #1 and is currently Baron of Dockside, versus Myria Graz of the Wrecking Crew, ranked at #5.

Eden: Eeeeeeeeeeeee!

Sapphire: Eeeeeeee! [laughing] He's pretty cute, huh? In that older, distinguished kind of way.

Eden: Oh yeah, he's super nice! We went out to cheeseburgers once!

Sapphire: Did you now? Hmmm. I demand cheeseburgers! Let's go again after E beats Myria!

Eden: Okay! E, when you win we're going out for cheeseburgers! [muffled] He'll pay for it, right?

Sapphire: [muffled] He better. Milkshakes too.

Eden: Okay!

Sapphire: And last, but certainly not least in the looks department, we have Dimitrii Sixtus, also known as Six and ranked at #3, facing off against Gren The Man Blockman, who is ranked at #2. Six had an easy ride to this round because his opponent, the sexy Melanie, was too busy being fierce or something to fight him I think? On the other hand, Gren dealt an almost-deadly blow to Cassius to secure his spot in the Sassy Sixteen.

Eden: Oh, this one is soooo hard! Can they both win?

Sapphire: I believe they cannot. You'll have to choose. Or we can flip a coin?

Eden: I like Six and his ice blades of doom, but Gren is my teammate from Hydra-Foil, and once a teammate, always a teammate! You're in trouble, Six! Go Gren!

Sapphire: You cheer for Gren on this one, Eden, but I'm gonna stick with Six. Hey Six, maybe you want to show me your... [snickers] ice blade of doom sometime, huh? Should be fun. [bow-chicka-bow-wow sound effect] [laughing]

Eden: I don't get it. [pause] Is it time for pizza now?

Sapphire: Don't worry about it because it is absolutely time for pizza! [cheering sound effect] Catch Too Blue next week folks. Maybe Jewell will be back and she and I can make fun of all the duelers who lose in round three. Until then? Stay blue!

Eden: Should I say goodbye now? Bye!

Sapphire: Oh yeah! Bye Eden! Thanks for being with us today. [muffled] Now let's go get some of Val’s chocolate.
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 4) 13.04.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: What up, RhyDin? Jewell and I maaaaaay have been day drinking--

Jewell: Morning! Morning drinking.

Sapphire: Right. That. We may have been doing that. In fact, we may still be doing that and it may have started last night and we just never stopped...

Jewell: But we’re still here to give you our predictions for Madness 2017! [honking horn sound effect]

Sapphire: Yeah we are! Take that! [seagull sound effect] [laughing] What the hell was that?

Jewell: I don’t know! Hey, someone should bring us pizza. Who wants to bring us pizza? First delivery guy to get here with a pizza gets a kiss.

Sapphire: Yeah! From each of us!

Jewell: SCORE!

Sapphire: Such a good plan. I want mushroom on my half. And The Empress Overlady wants meat all over her side because that’s how she likes it. [“oooooh yeaaaaaah” sound clip]

Jewell: Hell yes I do! [laughing]

Sapphire: Okay! So the Madness tournament, right?

Jewell: Yeeeeep. That’s what we’re supposed to talk about. I guess.

Sapphire: I guess we might as well while we’re waiting for our pizza. Apparently, we’re down to the Exceptional Eight now. Hey Jewell, what’s that smell?

Jewell: I think that’s your nasty morning breath. Did you not brush your teeth?

Sapphire: Wow. Thanks. Way to scare away potential dates. Jerk. And I did brush my teeth, by the way.

Jewell: [Laughs] Sorry but I don’t think chasing a Badsider with a tequila shot counts us brushing your teeth.

Sapphire: Close enough!

Jewell: Anyway, I think that’s actually the sweet smell of brackets burning!

Sapphire: That’s better! And more accurate. We’re down to the final eight my friends, and the brackets are indeed burning. Let’s discuss these matches.

Jewell: First up, for the Ramirez Division finals, we have Xanth Van Bokkelen, number four seed, versus Crunchem at number six.

Sapphire: If you people missed the fight between The Overlady here, seeded at number one, and Mr. Xanth last week, you missed an awesome show. Jewell was down 0-3 and brought it up to a tie.

Jewell: It was a fabulous duel. And bloody. Thanks Xanth!

Sapphire: Unfortunately, Crunchem did even better against our Randy Rand. Knocked him around big time. We think he’s likely to do the same to Xanth this week and emerge as Ramirez Division Champion.

Jewell: [ding ding ding sound effect] End of the line for you, Xanth! Moving on to the Monk Division, we have another number four seed, Rakeesh, fighting another number six seed, Baph.

Sapphire: This was another duel you did not want to miss last week. I think I was there for this. Was I there?

Jewell: You were there drinking all my beer in the Overlord box.

Sapphire: Right! Good times. Rachael, seeded at number one, was fighting Rakeesh at about the same time as the Overlady was fighting Xanth. It was another really close fight, but Rakeesh edged by with the win in the end.

Jewell: And Baph beat God Simon! He must have like… god slaying abilities.

Sapphire: Doesn’t everyone in RhyDin?

Jewell: Good point. It sure seems that way sometimes.

Sapphire: I think Rakeesh is likely to take this next match and the crowds agree. He’s got the most bettor confidence going forward amongst the final eight fighters here.

Jewell: Sounds good. Rakeesh, we’ll agree with the general public and give this one to you!

Sapphire: Which brings us to our next division: Valmion! Here we have our only surviving number one seed, Ellisa Morgan, fighting yet another number six seed, Kheldar!

Jewell: What’s with these number six seeds this year?

Sapphire: Good question. It’s probably some conspiracy on behalf of the committee who does the seeding. Ellisa is clearly still in this because I predicted she would win last week.

Jewell: Clearly that’s the case. Are you predicting another win for her this week?

Sapphire: In fact I am! Remember me fondly when you win all of Madness again, Ellisa! I’ll take a shout out during your victory dance as a thank you.

Jewell: I’ll take another ale.

Sapphire: Here. [sound of a bottle opening]

Jewell: Thanks!

Sapphire: Cheers! [glass clinking]

Jewell: Mmm that’s good. Hey, I just noticed this: three of the number one seeds were female this year.

Sapphire: Huh. I did not notice that. Way to go, Madness! Maybe you aren’t as sexist as we originally thought.

Jewell: Yeah, good job! Actually… no. Good job to the awesome ladies who earned those number one seeds.

Sapphire: Like you?

Jewell: Yep! Even though Rachael and I got knocked out early, Ellisa is going to charge ahead and win this thing.

Sapphire: Go forth and conquer Ellisa!

Jewell: Okay, final division finals: Max Division!

Sapphire: Here we’re going to see Myria Graz, number five seed, facing off against Six, who is ranked at number three.

Jewell: Myria knocked out Sapphire’s boyfriend--

Sapphire: Staaaaaaahp

Jewell: --E Smith last week to secure her spot in the Existential Eight.

Sapphire: While Six beat Gren Blockman to secure his spot in the Exciting Eight. My money is on Six for this one.

Jewell: I know we keep predicting Myria to lose and then she like… doesn’t, but I’m going to do it again now and say that I also thinks Six has this one too.

Sapphire: Make us some snow cones when you win, Six!

Jewell: Mmm I want a cherry flavored one.

[knocking sound]

Sapphire: Hey, someone brought us pizza!

[door opening]

Jewell: And he’s not bad looking.

Sapphire: We gotta go! See you next week, RhyDin.

Jewell: And don’t forget to come cheer me on at the Overlord challenge tonight with Sabine! It’s going to be a bloody, fantastic mess!

Sapphire: And don’t forget to vote for the May Queen! Jewell here has a chance to be both May Queen AND Overlady if she doesn’t epic fail tonight.

Jewell: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Mmmm this pizza smells amazing.

Sapphire: So does this guy. Say hi guy.

Pizza Delivery Guy: Uh… hi? Do I get my kiss now?

Sapphire: You do when Jewell is done devouring that slice of pizza. Easy on the sausage Jewell! [laughing] Later RhyDin! We’ll see you for the Frenetic Four next time!
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 5) 20.04.2017 10:00]

Sapphire: [yawn] Well, here we are again for Round 5 of Madness 2017, waaaay too sober to be talking about stuff like this. At least there’s coffee.

Jewell: Which I can’t drink.

Sapphire: I gave you some.

Jewell: This is cream with some coffee dripped on top.

Sapphire: Um, I also added sugar soooo you’re welcome. Don’t let your next boy toy stab you in the heart and maybe you can have actual coffee sometime next year.

Jewell: That’s like... the worst term ever.

Sapphire: I didn’t make it up!

Jewell: Let’s just get on with this. Welcome to Round 5 of Madness 2017, RhyDin! We’re down to the Fabulous Four. And really, aren’t they fabulous?

Sapphire: [snort] They’re something all right. We’ve got a giant ogre, a dragon thingy, and two badass women. [Pause] Actually, when I say it like that, it does sound kind of fabulous! Or like the start of some kinky fantasy novel?

Jewell: I’d read it.

Sapphire: Me too.

Jewell: So… Madness. We’ve almost reached an end and we’ve lost a lot of good people along the way. We don’t usually do recaps here, but we’re going to recap today because the station says we have an hour to be on air and it’s not gonna fill itself. Round 4 saw us lose Xanth to Crunchem, which we predicted!

Sapphire: [cheering sound effect] Because we’re awesome.

Jewell: Exactly.

Sapphire: Unfortunately, Rakeesh had to go and make us look bad by finally answering the age-old question of who would win in a fight between a dragon and a lion turtle. The answer? Not the lion turtle.

Jewell: Thanks a lot, Rakeesh! Hopefully we’ll still see you next year.

Sapphire: Ellisa came through for us though! Carried forward with the blessing of two blue-haired faeries, she took out Uncle Kheld and is well on her way to making history with a second Madness win! On the other hand, Six apparently didn’t mind disappointing us because he totally lost to Myria.

Jewell: Sorry Lil Blue. No Ice Blade of Doom for you [snickering]

Sapphire: I think I’ll live. Let’s talk about these matches.

Jewell: Ramirez Division Champion is the great and mighty Crunchem! Seeded at number six, he’s crushed his way through the Baroness of Old Market, former Overlord Rand al’Tan, the amazing Xanth, who is only amazing because he beat me, and probably twenty barrels of ale and several villagers in the last week of Madness alone. Who is he up against?

Sapphire: He’ll be facing the Monk Division Champion: Baphelocutis. Baph is also seeded at number six this year. He took out the Baron of Old Temple, the Mighty Matt Simon, and Rakeesh on his way to the top. Not too shabby, huh?

Jewell: Not at all! Now we get to see who wins in a fight between an ogre and a dragon! It’s what I’ve always wanted!

Sapphire: Sounds pretty epic. My money is on the orge.

Jewell: Mine too. Go forth and conquer, Crunchem! We’ll give you a few barrels of Mad Fairy Ale that I have stored as a prize if you win.

Sapphire: On the other side of Madness, we have my Madness favorite, Valmion Division Champion, Ellisa Morgan seeded at number one! Ellisa smashed her way through yours truly, former Overlord Anubis Karos, and the mighty Kheldar! Nicely done, Ellisa.

Jewell: She’ll be facing the Max Division Champion, Myria Graziano of the Wrecking Crew. Myria was seeded at number five this year. She beat her way through my squire, Aki; number one seed and Baron of Dockside, E Smith; and former baron and Overlord, Six. All without a baseball bat!

Sapphire: Incredible! Who will win this showdown of the two most formidable women in Madness this year?

Jewell: I know Sapphire is betting on Ellisa to keep going, but I’m switching over to Myria for this Fabulous Four fight. Go for it, Baby Graz!

Sapphire: Whatever. If Ellisa loses, I’m blaming you.

Jewell: [laughing] Fine by me!

Sapphire: Don’t forget to place your bets on the Fabulous Four Fights!

Jewell: And when we come back after this commercial break, we’re going to be reviewing my awesome challenge match against the feisty and fierce Baroness of Battlefield Park last week.

Sapphire: We’ll also be making predictions on the upcoming challenge for Dockside, if it ever happens, the challenge for Old Temple and whether or not Anubis likes male slaves, annnnnnd the challenge for MoonBeryl because Duel of Fists is technically hashtag best sport.

Jewell: Back in a few, RhyDin! Use your time wisely and go vote for the Empress Overlady to be May Queen!
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[Transcript from Too Blue: Madness Edition (Round 6) 27.04.2017 10:00]

Jewell: What’s up, RhyDin? This is your Empress Overlady May Queen of 2017 here to bring you the news about this year’s Madness Finals, which are apparently being fought tonight at midnight!

Sapphire: And, due to popular demand and an overwhelming number of fan letters, we are also bringing you Drunk Broadcasting once again! You all apparently think we’re a lot funnier when we’re drinking in the studio--

Jewell: Because we are!

Sapphire: It’s true. We are. So we have a few cases of Badsider here with us today in addition to… [drum roll sound effect]

Jewell: The king of Badsider himself, the originator of that delicious drink, and my very first (and absolute favorite) Duel of Fists mentor: Jake Thrash!

[cheering sound effect]

Jake Thrash: Thanks for invitin’ me. So, how do we do this?

Sapphire: [giggling] We drink ale and sometimes we order pizza.

Jake: That sounds easy enough!

Jewell: And press the sound buttons. [warning siren sound effect] Ugh. Except not that one. Oh! And we talk about Madness. Apparently, we’re down to the final two fighters and one of them isn’t me. Way to go Madness 2017! Disappointing everyone.

Sapphire: Not everyone. Just you. And maybe all those people we told to bet on you winning the tournament and then you lost… again and they lost all their money [laughing]. Did you bet on Jewell, Jake?

Jake: Of course I did. You were supposed to win me money!

Jewell: And you were supposed to make sure Xanth had an accident so I could win you that money, but that didn’t happen either, did it?

Jake: You ever tried sneakin’ up on him? He’s wily.

Sapphire: Whoah! [EXPLETIVE DELETED] just got real! What were you gonna do Jake, break his legs? Does Xanth even have legs?

Jewell: MOVING ON! Let’s talk about these finals. We’ve got Crunchem, seeded at number six, versus Myria Graziano, seeded at number five.

Sapphire: Wait, what!? Ellisa didn’t make it through to the finals?

Jake: Ellisa got owned pretty hard by Myria. She owned Dimitrii the week before too. I was gonna say that this was a fight between some unknown ogre, and the last member of a faded memory of a team, but Myria refuses to let that memory die.

Sapphire: I blame Jewell. She won’t give that memory its death blow because she predicted that Myria was going to win.

Jewell: Yes I did. AND I WAS RIGHT! GO MYRIA! WRECKING CREW FOREVER! [microphone feedback] Oops! [quieter] Go Myria!

Sapphire: Yeah, way to go Myria! [unenthusiastic] Wooo, we’ve now got the lamest finals ever. [balloon deflating sound effect] Jake was too nice. All we have is the sad remnants of the Wrecking Crew versus some random ogre someone dragged from the woods, equipped with a tree stripped of all its branches, and set loose in the Arena. Thank Nature you’ve all got us here to tell you who to cheer for and who these people actually are because I’m pretty sure most of RhyDin is scratching their heads, wondering, “There’s another Graziano chick aside from Maria?” And, “I thought we hunted ogres on holiday not let them compete in our sporting events?”

Jake: Hunting ogres is like hunting boar. Except way more suicidal.

Sapphire: Soooo we should get Myria a boar spear? Or do you mean that we should give her up for dead because Crunchem is going to kill her tonight?

Jewell: I think we should buy her a boar spear when we’re done here. Put a bow on it.

Sapphire: Even if we do, do you think Myria really stands a chance? I mean, she does have the higher seeding but she’s facing an ogre. How good is this chick?

Jake: Other than her obsession with keepin’ a dead franchise alive, Crew’s members have always had a rep as players. Three Crew have now made it into the Madness Finals, and Maria won it in 2010. Still...Myria was too young to have been part of the Wrecking Crew during its heyday in TDL days, and hasn’t exactly burned it up in the Arena...she’s held Seaside, but I think that’s it. So, maybe she feels she’s got somethin’ to prove to her forebears. She’s gonna have spirit goin’ into this. She wants it.

Sapphire: Wanting it is nice and all, and she did beat my Madness favorite and number one seed Ellisa, but she’s still fighting a giant ogre!


Jewell: An ogre who beat a dragon! [sighs] So sad I missed that fight.

Jake: Beat a dragon twice. He did it last year in Madness too. If Ellisa had won, that would have made for an interestin’ rematch. She and the ogre fought last year too. She was the one that sent him home.

Jewell: Twice!? I missed it both times? Where was I?

Sapphire: Probably crying in your room.

Jewell: Shush. Okay, so Crunchem beat a dragon twice and is lucky he avoided Ellisa this year because she has some super secret ogre-slaying capabilities, but what else? I think I remember him back from IFL too? And I fought him and the other one in one of Harris’s apple tournaments that time.

Jake: He was on Anubis’ Great of Strength team in IFL, and fought once in TDL. Nothing special about his record. I think he and Munchem are too easily distracted by food to actually be competitive. No idea how he’s stayed focused this year. Maybe someone promised him a herd of sheep or something if he did well.

Sapphire: Okay, so the plan is, if you’re a Crunchem fan, promise him more food to win. If you’re a Myria fan… uh, distract him with food?

Jewell: Sounds about right. Either way, I think Crunchem is going to win.

Sapphire: Uh... no! I was going to side with Crunchem. You get Myria cause you chose her last week.

Jewell: Fine. I get Myria. [Pause] Wait, who does Jake get then? JAKE! Who do you think is going to win?

Jake: Me? Uh...I think Myria is the one with the experience to win this. But, I think there are union rules that forbid me from rootin’ against the ogre.

Sapphire: You heard it hear first, people. Jewell and Jake are cheering for Myria, but not against the ogre, while I am Team Crunchem!

Jewell: I feel like that’s not what we just said…

Sapphire: [talking over Jewell] And when we come back from commercial break, Jake is going to enthrall us with stories about the ogre union to round out our last Too Blue: Madness Edition episode in grand style [yawn sound effect] and I’m going to have another Badsider.

Jake: More ale! Always a good plan!

Jewell: And we might make predictions for yet another Overlord challenge against me! Who do these people think they are, anyway?

Sapphire: And maybe we’ll talk about the When Legends Collide challenge too? You know, the one taking place in the geriatrics ward of RhyDin General?

Jewell: I can’t believe you just said that [laughing]

Sapphire: I know. I’m awesome. Stay tuned, RhyDin!
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