Journal entries: translated

[Rhaine]

As we left the Annex, I inhaled the night air. It was delightful, I loved it. Art's eyes closed, and he seemed to have teh same thoughts. I reached to steal a kiss from him, and we walked toward the suburban portal to the Temple. We both needed a walk and some time together after we watched Topaz losing her baronial ring.

Another thought was nagging on my mind. For two days Artemus has come to meet me, and in both cases I was sitting with Jase. True... Jase is insanely handsome in my eyes. He is an ideal donor and energy source. But Artemus means so much more to me...
As we walked between the trees, outside of ever-noisy city, I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"I'll ask you to help me brush up on tactics in magic dueling. If you can keep from using that ridiculous mentor tone, that is."
I remembered quite well their duel at Arena a long time ago, when Art's tone made me lose patience and rush out as soon as the duel was over. I'll never tolerate that again. But my words got a laugh from him.
"Mentor tone? I don't have a mentor..." Then got that "Oh" look and nodded. "I promise not to use it. And I'd be glad to help you with the brush up on tactics. Could use it myself."
A kiss sealed our agreement. I was thinking about kicking that fae Wyheree out of her tower. I have no need for keys, but such a blatant misuse of innate powers irks me. You're supposed to have the duels as a sport, not as a way to brag something you were born with.
My thoughts jumped, from Towers to his daughter. Amaris. Last time I have seen her, she lived with Art in the Tower. She reminded me of Mystic, of my precious little kin. I naturally voiced my question.

"She's good. Growing like a weed," Art replied, the grin sliding to his lips. "Good thing I can keep up with her. And if Shandren's family keeps being snobby to me I'll only let Shandren see her. They don't have a right to be in her life. Not when I was raising her on my own for all these months. Where were they? Even in this place, whole families don't just disappear."

Quite possible, I thought. Families here care little for those they consider dislikeable, and few people in the realm love Art. For a good reason, I admit. But another thing for Shan's family to dislike him - because he has me now. Because he didn't wait for her for a dozen years, and returned to me.

"They may be upset with you because of me," I said plainly. Yeah... someone has chosen to abandon the memory of sweet brainless kitty and to stick to the cynical vampire bitch.

"Screw them," he turned and lifted my chin up. "Shandren is not a leopard, permanent mating wasn't possible to begin with," his face getting really close to mine, nose to nose. "I searched for her for months, almost burned out my powers completely before I resigned myself to the idea that she had died. I even spoke with Antonio, Kinadria's husband on what to do."

I remembered Antonio, have seen him in the Inn, and could think that he would at least have the tact to say something about living on. Antonio, unlike these cats, has some brains in him.

"And what did he say? Something comforting?"

"Something like that, but he waited longer than I did. I think mostly because he's older and has had enough relationships he wanted to finally settle down. I'm just moving on, Shandren's the only one of them that Amaris needs to know. She wants tomeet them when she's older, I'll not stop her."

"Sounds like a good idea... I do not know them, but from what you told me about Shan, I wouldn't trust them too much. A family limiting the freedom of a gifted child, deserves little respect."

[Rhaine]

Art told me how Shan has escaped the semi-imprisonment, and how he basically picked her up on the street. What kind of a family would it be, letting a gifted child rot without special training? I grew up with all the limitations, curfews, torn books on magic, with father's whip always waiting for me - but gods, I hated that, and my mother still provided all the necessary tutoring... I let my clone to have all freedom the little girl wanted. Probably, some limitations were good after all, but definitely not the excessive ones. Art nodded softly.

"Yea, and the way the one named Cailet describe the school that family helps run sounds like a complete joke. Teacing children magic and fighting without testing to get the students to know their own limits. Morons."

Without testing?! I could only gasp. That was totally unsafe! What if some child tries to go over their limits and gets totally exhausted? Or another would use too much power and harm the surrounding children? These cats started sounding like cretins. Artemus continued.

"Teach them things then don't make sure the pupil has a true aptitude of what their learning. Told me Life is a better teacher than tests to set a preconcieved standard. Life may be a great teacher, but it's merciless and will kill you if you can't handle its tests."

"Probably they have not had enough lessons from Life," I shuddered, and kissed my shifter for relieving this chilly feeling.

We walked, and talked about Jase. Art trusts me, and believes I would not be cheating... but how can I explain this burning hunger that overcomes me with the scent of Jase's life? The guy seems to be an ideal donor. I drained from him enough to kill him had he been a regular dhoine. I suspect him to be a creation of some kind, but have to clarify that. I'm deadly curious... never thought someone would make a creature like that. Oh shifter... you were so close to losing me.

The night was too beautiful to bother with such things. We teleported to the beach in the isle that held Art's rooms. I messed up the rift, so we were dropped like two half-empty bags. I have not been by the sea since that evening at the Twilight Isle when Art tried to drown himself, and Shandren and myself had to drag him out. I remembered that accursed night... when Shan was so confident, telling me she knew him and knew the mating moon... Did she know him enough? Did she know how he would react to the stressful situation? I will never know.

Now it was just a soft sandy beach, with few granite rocks standing like sentries, waves whispering at their base. The pale sand and dark water reflected moonlight. Artemus removed his shirt, looking at the waves. Yea, a swim would help us to cool off. Perhaps.

I undid the clasps that held my dress on the shoulders and let the thin line fabric slide off. Art's hands met mine when I decided to remove the extra clothes unnecessary for a swim. He remained in his slacks and sandals, as if they wouldn't drag him under the surface... Slowly, tormentingly he was removing the remains of my evening attire...

"We're a heavy case of addiction... wish to go for a swim first? or neither of us would find strength to step away into the water?"
"I'm not sure we'd make it out of the water, at least on our legs... Though we can certainly try...can always try."

And when we were close, his eyes glazed over, with a gentle trickle of energy over his skin he turned to his feline form. The shifter I love - in any of his manifestations. The lean human shape and the predatorial feline, so silky over the steel muscles, to me they have always been the same. Through all these times I have known him. Through the long time of being afraid to admit this even to myself.

"I love you in any form... and this was so wonderful..."

"I'm glad you liked it....was afraid you'd run screaming for the hills at this... This is what I am at heart, Rhaine....this animal...and it's yours."

Looking at him, I rubbed against him in a feline move. My own heart was pumping in an uneven beat (well, two hearts actually... and an arterial circuit... but anatomy of artifical body wasn't anything to be discussed), and mist flowed softly over my eyes, so filled with feeling of warm and content.

"You're yourself. More than animal and more than human..."

"More than a man, more than an animal, and accepted by neither in most worlds outside this realm." A soft touch of bitterness bled into his voice. "Thank you Rhaine....for accepting all of me..it's not something my kind finds often...."

"And you expected that I wouldn't accept you the way you are? If I love you, how can I love just the human form? It would mean just loving a physical body, and those Bound know well enough how passing the physical compound is..."

[Rhaine]

Vampire instincts of my artifical body are messing with my head. Seriously and surely. Something needs to be done about this.

Today I decided to check on the progres of map project. I found Jase in the library, delving in the chronicles. I know he reads a lot, and of course I took time to rearrange the books to make sure he gets the right impression from them. This guy has a keen eye and sharp mind, judging by today's conversation about the great Champions of Asmodeus. I gave him access to a special selection of chronicles on the secure shelf, and offered a lunch.

Usually new Snake accolytes underestimate the power of meals on humans (and not only humans). Relax, talk more openly, and listen with a more open perception - isn't this what we actually need from them? I ordered a selection from mrrshan cuisine, and led Jase to the gem-like dome of my study. Informal settings are often useful for delving through someone's impressions...

Mrrshan food impressed him. Taking time to swirl "Seaside Ruby" in the glass, tasting "dzrohi korci tkemali" (marinated grilled meat in plum and cherry sauce), Jase asked if I was trying to affect all of his senses. Should be some payback for his scent, shouldn't it? I was getting more and more dizzy. The wine could hardly overpower this scent.

For some reason Jase was really curious about antimagic shell. His questions showed pretty decent knowledge of magic theory, quite surprising for someone who doesn't use magic outside of the dueling rings. So I couldn't help asking about this. He nodded a bit thinking a bit further before blinking. "Ohh..sorry its just so interesting..even though I may never use magic it still is so amazing to think and ponder on how it could possibly work"

This made me gasp.
"You may never use magic? Why?"

"Its written in my dna..in no way shape or form can I use magics or attack and or defend against another..I dont know why but thats how it is..." there was a sad sigh to that last part, indicating a clear and sweet opening in the defenses.

"Sounds horrid," I shuddered, remembering my time without magic. "I wonder if abilities granted by the Lord can bypass this... they bypass my own limitations, so why not... but again, to try you'd need to be one of us, and it's too serious of a step to take for an experiment"

"Yes...but what about..hmm" he seemed to have given some thought to this. "If I was damaged quickly and then healed..with small changes in my dna..a large change could overrie what hte rest say...could that work?"

Aha, he knows what DNA is, and so is literate enough to talk over this in more detail.

"It could." I nodded. "Changes in DNA can also be done via retrovirus types, or via chain reactions. But again, we need to try"

"Pain doesn't bother me too much..I have delt with certain...situations most dont survive from so.....I've at least addapted to that..the question is how would my body react after words."

[Rhaine]

This scent was driving me insane. Now I could understand the vampires who lunged into bloodthirsty frenzy... For now I have the self-control, but what would happen next? And food... it never sates someone whose true nutrition is pure energy.

"That is also something I would thnk about," I walked towards Jase, baring my fangs. "Wish to be my dessert ? Perhaps I can think about this while... enjoying you?"

At least this helped to get my mind clear, and at the same time analyze his genome. I imitated the vampire bite effects, including the euphoria and bloodloss. Draining the necessary amount of energy, I felt like a child savoring a huge cone of ice-cream. Yet I could not forget my duty. "You... you are always delicious. I wonder why you're this way?" I dropped the question.

"So my creators would always have..well a tasty treat on hand.....though they are not as gentle as you are"

Creators. Shadow of my kin crept over me. No, g'iarre, I told myself, think of other variants. Who else? His primary purpose seems to be blood donor...

"Your creators. So you're modified or artifical. Your creators were blood-drinkers?"

"My creators word anchient vampyre..and I believe I was once human but my body was changes from the very cells itslef into what I am now...they wanted something for in my land..humans were becoming..well short"

"Too many vampires for one place?" I smiled. This was starting to sound less threatening. Just vampires, psh. A magically active undead life form, not that complex.

"Yes...almost the entire realm...many wars...many lives lost..however when I was made alot f the fighting ceased..for a time until i was fought over for near three centuries...until one human actually sent me to here to doom the rest of the vampyre to madness," Jase continued, forgetting about wine.

"I would understand if they fought over you... your scent can drive a vampire insane with hunger," I dropped another bait.

"With no control..yes I suppose it could..." Jase seemed to swallow the bait without suspicion. "You see I can only be fed off of so much before I pass out and the scent vanishes.....after that they seemed to regain their senses..and even though I live..it was a way to live my life"

We agreed to make my work on making him more human-like his reward for mapping projects, and I took off, needing to check on reports and deal with my daily routine. Little did I imagine that this talk would have some unexpected consequences.

[Rhaine]

I do not remember the Edge City this way! People, thousands of dhoine. And no magic. There's general background, like natural radioactivity, but where is a single structured spell? The world has not become non-magical, but why aren't there any magic users? And there are the Temples? The Edge City was the stronghold of thirteen Temples, thirteen religions... I would understand if the fortress of Takhisis was turned to dust, this sourcepoint of insanity.. but the light-hearted, flowery temple of Mystara? The Spire of Morrigu? What in the Hells has happened? Why...

Why am I not feeling His presence?
And I run, in silent horror, afraid to believe the obvious. The Gods are gone. Lack of faith, drowsy laziness, lust for power, they tried to poison the Temples back then, but now they were the victors.

Only the building's outline can be seen from the shape of ruins, but I remember it.. I do. Three spires, three Paths - Sword, Snake, Crystal. Been to the top of two of them, never excelling much in diplomacy. The practice hall. How delightful it was ages ago, to meet one on one with Cyan, and realize that he does take this duel seriously... that any practice fight is with real weapons. Now only the walls remained, and not even all of them. Statues of the Lord - in the canonical Dark Rider shape, or in semi-abstract devil form. So long ago were the days when Tenebris and I practiced there, and the sound of clashing steel was our song, our music... Champion's strong hands disarm me, and his own broadsword is flung aside, and my world fades in his fiery, crimson eyes... and we hardly care who won or lost the training duel, as...

Pebbles crunch and rumble under my feet, and suddenly I slide into the Knight Lounge. It used to be a warm hall with a fireplace, with a ring for friendly dueling, with the soft reddish torches light... Now it's dead. It's all gone...

"You have returned," a dark smoke rises to my left wrist. Glaeddyv Sierthii, The Souldrinker. He had been waiting for me, hiding from stranger eyes. I stop moving. What would a sentient artifact have bumping into its... head? I have no idea, and I hardly wish to know. Centuries ago someone tried to kill me with this sword. They did. And only Lord's interference has pulled me out of dreamy sweetness of the Trance. So what's next, Souldrinker? Another attempt?

"No. You and your Lord have won"

And what are we up to, since we've won? The black smoke curls around my wrist like a bracelet and turns to stone. Now I can't remove it even if I wish to...

"Serve the victors. I've little pride"

Old dark stains near the ruined fireplace. Blood? Or spell, splattered over antimagic shell? A heavy two-handed sword slightly melted, as if from a plasma pulsar. I remember this weapon, sword of a close and trusted friend. Scent of death. Piotr... Was it here, near the fire, where we enjoyed sitting and throwing around ideas and thoughts, where we chatted about anything - was this your last rest? Are you... no more?

"He was one of the last protectors of the Temple. Those strangers burned him with his weapons. Vanion Redgar from the temple of Pantheos hardly held up for longer"

"How do you know?" I addressed the sword directly

"A weapon senses death. Especially a weapon from the Far Citadel, created by Sierth the Shadowmaster"

"Where's everyone? are they all dead?"

"Danimoth Haldane was awarded immortality. I did not sense the deaths of Ged and Renata Araya. Others are gone. The world is progressing, Giarre Rhaine. The time of Gods is gone. The Clandestine Realm is open to galaxy, and magi exiled. The Witchhunt has destroyed everyone who wasn't deprived of power with the leave of Gods. I have watched. I have known you would come, the Last Champion was too painfully deep in your heart, you would have returned for him"

Tenebris... The mentioning of him pushes me down on my knees. Midnight, doesn't that look stupid... But where is he? Is he... with the others? No, I don't want to believe this, I can't believe this! It's impossible that our Dark Paladin ...

"He was one of the last to die. Warriors of Morrigu resisted at their best, he was severely outnumbered. I remember how you have searched the Hells for him. Too late, Giarre Rhaine. You shall meet him on the Other Side"

The blade's voice is dull. I crawl out of the ruins. Dust and dirt on my light-blue uniform. Past is dead... buried in the dust. Everything inside me is dead. Nowhere to rush. The colorless voice of Glaeddyv Sierthii whispers, and my memory takes in the insiginficant details of what happend years ago. Why have I returned... we are no more... .

I feel nothing as I drag my hardly obeying body into a tavern. The mix of new and old is screeching, like iron claws on window glass. Wooden tables and plastic chairs. I need no human food, but old reflexes pull me into ordering something. Something - what? I do not feel the taste. Feeling anything is in the past. I merely strive to achieve the thoughtless emptiness that would at least show me what to do...

And I scream, pulling myself out of this, into the awakening

[Rhaine]

My eyes were rushing through multiple artifact spellrune constructs when I sensed a familiar presence near the Temple. Alais. An old friend, who has been so useful in some of my manipulations. Usually my attitude to Alais ranges from most sincere trust to cold despising smirk well-concealed in the corner of my eye. This really depends on her own behavior. When we played the game of "let me guess what you are guessing about me" - it was fun, a game I always love. When she was drowning in foolish self-pity, I despised her like I would despise anyone without inner strength that helps one to be free within the Darkness. When she came to assist me with creating Vit's blade - I admired her skill. Alais knows me the way I am - with the gem-like faceted eyes that see nothing but magic, with the multi-jointed fingers and absolute memory that torments me more than anyone can... I know her the way she is - with all these elven weaknesses that somehow turn into strengths, with duality of elven necromage and prejudices of a typical sidhe.

Why did she bother with coming? I pondered for a while and ordered Adremalech to play out most respectful greeting. In the end, this was a visit of my friend.

Time to showoff our... hospitality

[Rhaine]

His words still rang in my ears. "I don't want to die on you". No. And I won't let you, Artemus. Not while I remain myself, even if it costs me... a part of everything.

I remembered the bracelet that we found during the treasure-hunting trip with Anne. It had a simple but effective enchantment on it, however it had garnet gems, which are so easy to work with. Art prefers jade, which resists any spell of biomage with true stubborness. However... who said I should use jade alone? With dark crimson garnet (dark crimson being official color of the Temple) and pure jade, the pattern could get additional volume and expression.

I logged into neural interface, and started trying to draft the spell scheme. It had to be modified. Jade could be used to form the precise shape of spell energies - at least one thing this stone was fit for. Crimson garnet and thin silver patterns took the leylines in, allowing my spell to take shape. Mentari manipulators followed thoughts with careful precision, shaping metal and stone.

Good that Artemus no longer tried to talk about that human tradition of marriage. Official ceremonies are actually unneeded when there's something behind them, and when there's nothing but official ceremony, they hardly make sense - unless it's in the field of politics or social engineering. For some reasons dhoine try to pay too much attention to ritualistic side of matters, even when the ritual doesn't manipulate any energies. Perhaps it's their longing for a miracle or for something at least different from their routine life. Or probably it's the need for something to hold them together and lack of true confidence in what they are?

The ring was heavy in my hand, when the spell weaved into it took a portion of energy into the pattern. I started charging it, and the rune embedded into me, seared my flesh.

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

Did I not want to be a human again... so many times I whined, missing the limited existence of my first twenty-two years... Here, eat that, Rhaine Rustovich. Enjoy.

After Ichius led me out of the Temple, for the first time in life I did not enjoy the cold outside. I could hear the sound of wind in the trees, smell the pines and snow, but not see them. Blind? Oh, they knew well how it would be for me - without magic... I felt blind, deaf, dead... Soon the cold started draining me.

I tried to call to Souldrinker, but felt no response. This has also been taken from me. Glaeddyv Sierthii.... For some time I was never truly alone, but now I felt this again.

When Artemus finally arrived to take me out of this place, I could only be thankful. Now I can at least concentrate on my thoughts, on evaluating what I could have done or have done wrongly. Another effect of blindness was ability to concentrate on touch and scent (oh this smell of coffee! never thought it would make me so happy).

It feels like a layer of ice that's been protecting me, was melted by this experience. Everything feels so much sharper... with the sharpness of well-planned and designed torture. State-of-art torment, interesting.

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

Artemus has taken me out - to watch duels, and to spend some time away from dwelling on this trial. Whatever had gone in my head...I accepted that offer, of course taking my mobile comm-link along. When magic fails, technology may succeed. I need eyesight, desperately and painfully. I can not afford turning into a soft-hearted mortal, my life belongs to Asmodeus and those with a soft belly will certainly fail sooner or later.

Keith had been waiting for me in a cafe on the market square. Ordering coffee and ice-cream, he informed me of my options. Luckily, mentari do not see blindness as something disgraceful or pitiful. I savored the taste of coffee, softened by vanilla ice-cream, and felt the multitude of flavors that I would have missed before. However Keith seemed to deem it necessary to ruin this.

It's normal for mentari to be rather open about their personal life. However it is not so for those of my origin. We may have no qualms about discussing physical side of affairs, but speaking of more serious things - hell no. Keith wondered if Artemus and I planned anything to "legalize" our relationship. To be honest, the single thought of this terrifies me - all these oficial ceremonies, clumsy dresses, fake smiles... Mentari did not adopt the awkward "planet-lubber" traditions when they chose freedom of space station. Unfortunately I didn't have enough time to adjust to their way of life.

After the ridiculous, human-like outburst of anger, I tried to concentrate on coffee. It's not Keith's fault, damnit. But I was really ashamed of this too much to open my mouth again.

Keith will bring me the standard "crystal eye" mentari use when needed. It will not require a surgery (and surgery would be useless with body like mine...). And I will see the world the way dhoine do.

How ironic.

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

I shouldn't have asked for this eyesight. First thing I did was coming to watch the magic tournament. Idiot.

Seeing magic with the eyes of a human was worse than anything. It looked like a silly set of visual effects. Being unable to warp a cup of coffee ruined the last remaints of my joy. My fingers moved in habitual gesture-spell, but I didn't feel the touch of leylines, could not sense the gentle warmth of energy streaming in my veins... The world ceased to be real.

I answered the greetings of people I did not know, and only voices could tell me that the "tall, dark, handsome" man near Azjah is Gabriel, and the fairy splattering visual effects is Topaz... The only thing I could actually do, was keeping the calm mask that we're all taught to wear.

Looking at them, splashing in the magic that now was as unaccessible to me as Mentar station is to them, I felt gnawing jealousy. Oh... perhaps that's what dhoine feel in presence of the Gifted. I see why Ythvern was ruined in this case. To be nothing just because of random play of DNA molecules... that hurts! And I wanted to be a mortal, hells frozen!

Only when I lost magic I have come to true appreciation of its role in my life. It's been... everything. Air that I breathed. Energy that sustained me. And the only anchor that I have in this life, also would have never come to me without my magic... magic that healed and assisted him.

Would anything Ichius invent be more painful than this punishment? Or he thought to cause my complete mental and emotional breakdown?

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

Yesterday and tonight I have attempted to duel in magic. Dhoine do duel somehow, right? Even when they have no innate magic abilities?

Good that there were only two beings to witness my weakness - Azjah and Topaz. The magic of the ring made me cringe in sudden pain. Every spell was a weird, unnatural process - I had to try to imagine the visual effects and summon them. By Midnight... do they really have to do all this to duel?!

Almost any time I tried to "cast" a spell, my entire being was burned. As if magic was a poison to me.

"Dead and buried, sounds adequate", I laughed when Azjah got me with a meteor storm. Somehow the human lady noticed how bad each spell was on me. Did I fail to keep the straight face we all are taught to keep?

Would it matter now... I'm banished and under trial. I was so absorbed with planning next spells (and trying not to show how taxing each of them is) that until I finished the second duel I did not find a chance to move to see Art's duel in TDL. By that time I was feeling dead. Pain from touching magic... Like pain from breathing.

Watching his moves made the numbing pain slowly fade. When Wyheree left the ring, defeated by accurate defense and timely attack, I was already feeling better. Art sat down near me, and I found refuge in his embrace. Taking in his warmth, the feeling of him... would he know how much this means to me?

I almost managed to forget how crippled I was, when Erin got another blow to her knee, and the need for a healer appeared. Artemus got up, and moved towards Erin. I watched him, and every moment I wished I could leave. It was another reminder of something I could no longer do.

Raevyx, by Midnight, I have to nail this bastard Ichius before I go insane...

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

The days are passing by, hardly noticed - they are too monotonous to differ. Even basic telepathic communication is closed to me.

A couple of days ago I decided to go out for a cup of coffee. Coming to the Red Dragon Inn was more of a reflex, I ordered a coffee and some brandy to go with it, and tried to enjoy the drink. All of a sudden I could see a shimmering silver column of a specifically designed teleport. So that's how it looks when Alais uses her teleport...

Others were of no concern, but Alais will certainly notice that my magic has been blocked! I greeted her, and went for more coffee. Naturally, the elf noticed I was using dhoine manner instead of telekinesis or subspace warp. I had to invent something real quick. Clumsy it was, and I felt awfully bad lying to Alais, but the truth would have been worse.

"Using magic as a crutch everywhere and anywhere.. You know, old friend, I might get into a no-magic area and where'd that lead me? I have to learn to live without it somehow."

Inside the scream is silent... Inside it must remain...

I will never let her know why and how I was deprived of magic! I can not let her know about anything that would lead to pity. I've had that enough when I was a young reckless lifemage. Enough. No outsider must know. And I need to pretend that this is my own initiative, in the end I did need to learn to live without magic... at least this experience is very useful, rationally speaking.

It may be useful. But why does it hurt so much...

[Rhaine]

(entry whispered quietly on an audiocrystal)

As the day of the trial nears, I can't help feeling the need to move, and move a lot. Be it with sword, magic or unarmed. This urge is driving me into long runs and potentially tiring exercises in 12g training room. Good that the body I've designed for myself, isn't relying on magic only, and its agility and stamina are its own.

Every night I awaken, and stare blankly at the ceiling. Art isn't even asking questions - he probably knows the answer, we've known each other too long and too well. The dreams I see, are the same - Worship hall, and a circle surrounded by a forcefield, and it depends only on me if the dream continues. In the dream, I fight a baatezu, and memory flashbacks throw me into Avernus and back until the devil's whip crashes into inactive bindrune on my neck. Too many dichotomies in this reality that I can not predict. Had I been a Lyrrath, I would have had better probabilities of doing so... But I'm stuck with this - with my choice, with this body and with the primary part of me blocked.

Vitus has seemingly approved the measures we've taken to prove Ichius guilty. I know my brother - his mind is still on the violent path, but he knows that we have to follow the law and holds these bloodthirsty urges controlled. I sense only one potential drawback in our plans, but there is no way to avoid taking this risk. It's an asmodean tradition. Laws are made not to be broken (but to be twisted and used accordingly), and in most cases our traditions are secured by our laws. And Ichius may use it as final resort - when there is nothing else, we may ask for a Circle of Justice, where a fight would be held "before the eyes of the Lord".

A part of me grins at this verbal formula, for I know that He can always see us. But one thing I know - the Circle of Justice solves dubious issues once and forever. It is a chance to see His will directly...

If you trust Him enough to look, that is.

-----
"there's an after to every now...
an answer to every how"
Samael, "Ways"

[Rhaine]

After I met Azjah at the Inn, something went gnawing at my soul again. As a Crystal priest, I've learned to trust my intuition, and did my best to analyze possible reasons. New male trying to gain her attention? No, Colonel Savage does not look as an immediate danger. He may be a formidable enemy for a human, but to Azjah (and hence - to our source of hi-tech weaponry) he is no threat.

Travanix! Azjah was talking to Travanix when I just arrived at the Inn! And he gave her some small item. Ribbon? Yes.

Knowing how we used small items with scout or psion spells on them... And based on my previous meeting with Travanix... Lord, how I wished I could have my magic back to take a look at the damned thing!

I needed to see Gabriel. Needed badly. He is a bodyguard, and a real pro in his work. He has to keep Azjah safe, and I owe him a bit for his assistance with final consequences of Maedd's elimination. Where would Azjah take him, what would be public event where Colonel alone won't be sufficient?

Beltane.

I rummaged through my clothes. Most were unfit for the occasion, like armor shirts or stealth suit. However my dress for official visits could look nice enough. Memories of my days with Artemus flooded my mind, but I cast them off. Sleek fit, outlining my figure (and skirt widening from the hips down, leaving enough freedom of movement), sleeves concealing enough to hide a plasmagun holster, and noble combination of black and silver - that could look good enough. I do not have anything of spring colors, but at least my artifical eyesight allowed to see that this one could be fitting.

I knew that Ichius would attempt to get rid of me. So... a miniature plasma gun sneaked into the holster, like a snake.

I will tell Gabriel as much as it's needed. In the end, I wouldn't sit on the same acre with Travanix.

[Rhaine]

I close my eyes, and recall the feeling of being possessed - the torrent of His will filling me, running through my blood. It was like taking a full breath after suffocating. Like falling into cold lake after a week in a desert. I felt... clear, like glass. Like a crystal, filled with the rays of His eyes.

And at the same time, while my physical body was in His will and possession, clarify flooded my mind. As if I was looking at myself from away, coldly and rationally.

Humanity? Mortality? How odd could this mockery look on someone, who has evolved beyond being a mere human! Like an adult trying to fit into child's clothes. Like a snake trying to crawl into its old skin. How foolish was the wish to live a human life... could pretense win anything at all? It was merely fooling myself - behaving like a human, imposing more limitations in addition to already ridiculous human feelings that are more than enough to keep me from progress into dissolution! Useless additional vulnerability. Balancing on the edge and enjoying all the flavor and color of living as myself - that was truly the way. Degrading dreams of "white picket fense" were ... they will no longer be whatever they were.

Time to realize - I've crawled out of my human skin a long time ago.

And I laughed, feeling the magic of Bound and dark blessing of Asmodeus' united in my breath.