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Badsider Summer Brew

 
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Jake
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Joined: 11 Feb 2004
Posts: 1980
Sword for Hire, Brewmaster
Location: Red Orc Brewery, a dueling venue, or the taverns of Badside
131,623 Silver Nobles


PostPosted: Mon Jun 18, 2012 11:42 pm    Post subject: Badsider Summer Brew Reply with quote

"Cut!" the director yelled into his megaphone. "Cut, cut, CUT!"

The crew halted in their actions and looked back to the director. "Alright, let's take it from the top, again!"

The stage-hands groaned and moved to reset the stage. Helping random drinker #1 back onto an uprighted stool, while the make-up girl dashed onto the set to touch him up. "Stop fussing!"

Random drinker #1 groaned and touched the side of his cheek where a large purplish bruise was forming.

"Alright now, miss..." the director paused, waiting for his assistant to fill in a name.

"Candy, sir, Candy Hart." The assistant lowered her voice and added, "and she doesn't like to be called 'miss'."

"...alright now, ...Candy, let's try it again, but this time, remember that you don't have to actually hit him so hard. We're running out of actors to play the part of random drinker #1, and the insurance won't cover us if we keep sending them to the first-aid station." The director pinched the ridge of his nose between his eyes as he tried to will away the headache. "So, please, please, a little less violence. Please."

"Less violence...right." The woman intoned unconvincingly.

The director's assistant was ushering people back to their places and shooing away the hands and lighting crew. "Places, everyone, places!"

"Badsider Summer Brew promotional, take 37." Clack!

"And action!"

Stepping up to the bar, a young woman with choppy short hair, dressed in ripped jeans and a "wife-beater", nosed a look at random drinker #1's glass and asked, "What's that?"

Random drinker #1 couldn't help but cringe as he answered, "Silver Mark."

The woman, shorter than he by three or four inches, reached out and dragged him off of the stool before he could react. Already off-balance and headed towards the floor, the girl's fist impacted his face. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM!

Holding him by the collar, her face pressed in to his as she spoke through teeth gritted in anger, "This. Wouldn't happen. If you ordered. Badsider!" WHAM! Her fist offering a final punctuation to her words. She let him go, and he slumped to the floor, already slipping into unconsciousness. The woman, ignoring him, rose and waved to the bartender. "Badsider! ... Make it a summer brew."

"And CUT!"

"Did we get it?"

The assistant winced. "I think you can see him flinching again."

"DAMN IT!"

"Alright, set it up again! And find me another random drinker! I don't think this one is getting up again."

Standing at the back of the soundstage, the half-orc and his director of marketing and main spokesmodel, PJ Ramirez, were watching. The orc with an ill-concealed grin, and PJ making a face. "This is never going to work," she commented and made some notes on her clipboard.

"What?" The orc looked at PJ.

PJ waved the promotional flyer, with the same rough-cut young woman, in jeans and a shirt promoting the Outback, and a tagline which read "Don't make Candy hurt you. Drink Badsider." "This, Jake. Are you sure this is going to sell Badsider?"

Jake winked and grinned at her. "I dunno. You're the expert. I'm just enjoying the beatdowns she keeps handing out."
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Jake
Top Thug
RoH Admin
RoH Admin


Joined: 11 Feb 2004
Posts: 1980
Sword for Hire, Brewmaster
Location: Red Orc Brewery, a dueling venue, or the taverns of Badside
131,623 Silver Nobles


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:52 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

((Posting for PJ, who's a little under the weather.))

Jake winked and grinned at her. "I dunno. You're the expert. I'm just enjoying the beatdowns she keeps handing out."

PJ’s eyes rolled skyward for just a moment before she hooked her arm through that of her beloved boss. “C’mere Jake, I have an idea, walk with me.” PJ then turned and yelled towards the set. “15 minute break. Candy, please don’t hurt anyone off camera for a moment?” She grinned knowingly at Candy, having been there in the past.

“How many outtakes do we have? 40? I have an idea that could turn this around. Though…” PJ paused in thought as they walked. “Though we might need a little creative editing.”

She started frantically scribbling on her clipboard, mumbling as she did: “Bud, Coors, Heineken, Pabst, Fat Tire..” She paused again and looked at Jake. “I’d like to leave Silvermark and Alain out of this. I know he’s our main competition, but I’d rather not sling mud so close to home, it could work against us.” She went back to her clipboard and scribbled off a few more brands.

With a few autographs and free beers promised to the remaining Random Drinkers (alongside their pay), PJ was able to convince them to get punched once each. (“For realism, Guys! You don’t want to look like Pansies, do you?”) PJ then walked over to Candy with the revisions.

“Okay Candy, this should go pretty fast now, we’re going to do clean up in the editing, so just have at it. One good punch each, alright? Try not to bleed. Its okay if they do, but its not so good when you do.”

"Shouldn't be a problem." Candy eyed the remaining batch of drinkers with a gleam in her eye.

~~~~

Once again a rough-cut young woman steps up to the bar.

The camera zooms in on Candy's face. With a dangerous smile, she asks, "What are you drinkin'?"

Flash-cut to random drinker. “Bud.” WHAM!

“Coors Light.” WHAM!

“PBR.” WHAM!

“Blue Moon.” WHAM!

“Arrogant Bastard.” WHAM!WHAM!WHAM!

The scene goes dark with just animated stars and birds whirling on the black screen for a moment. As it comes back up, Candy is seen sitting on a barstool, a pile of bruised drinkers at her feet. In fact, Candy is comfortably resting one black boot on the back of the uppermost man.

Another close-up on the young woman's face, her smile feral. "Don't want this to happen to you? Order Badsider. Summer brew."

PJ Voiceover: “Badsider Summer Brew – Please Don’t make Candy hurt you.”

Jake Voiceover: "Badsider Brew, Red Orc Brewery, RhyDin, Please drink ... responsibly." "Wait, do I really have to say that responsibly part?" Voiceover fading out.
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Jake
Top Thug
RoH Admin
RoH Admin


Joined: 11 Feb 2004
Posts: 1980
Sword for Hire, Brewmaster
Location: Red Orc Brewery, a dueling venue, or the taverns of Badside
131,623 Silver Nobles


PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 1:10 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

After wrapping up the shoot, as they departed the sound-stage arm in arm and ambled towards the parking lot, PJ leaned in and whispered, "Jake, were the random drinkers *supposed* to look so much like Harris?"

"What? Did they?" The orc brushed the thought away. "Must'a been a coincidence."
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