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Harris
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 16, 2014 10:24 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 560, 16 SEP 2014]

Stevie Wonder's "Higher Ground" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: Bad news RhyDin. It's election time again. Due to Rekah's passing away while on the the throne due to dysentery, it's been decided to appoint a new Governor. The good news? Matt Simon isn't running again. Truly, every dark cloud has a silver lining.

Seirichi: Rip in peace Rekah. I'm sure you will be missed. Wait, hold on. We're talking about the elections? I'm pretty sure, and I mean REALLY [EXPLETIVE DELETED] SURE that Fio is still Governor.

Harris: She's not. You just stopped paying attention when she didn't run a third time. Instead, for this year's primary election we have ten, count them, TEN candidates that want the position that killed Rekah. I hope we don't have to talk about all these people. Because I literally have no idea what a Tenrowe is. I thought that's what British people called bowling.

Seirichi: Is that what they go do after they eat spotted dick? Play a game of Tenrowe? Also I'm still not buying the whole "Fio isn't Governor" thing, but I'll humor you.

Harris: Thankfully this year's race has a "None of the Above" option by dropping a ballot for G'nort. Who we’re supposed to believe will abandon the post should he win it, leaving RhyDin leaderless. That’s probably the easiest platform to understand. And for enough bribe money, which I know he has, this station would be happy to support his efforts. Simply send a blank check here in care of myself or Seirichi.

Seirichi: G'nort is running for Governor… while not wanting to be Governor? Can't I just write in Fio and be done with it? All of this seems like too much work. I don't like effort.

Harris: Correction. G'nort's platform is easy to understand for everyone except Seirichi. Meanwhile, several candidates have set up meet & greets or Q&A sessions. Race will be in the RDI Great Hall on 9/19 at 9 PM (RST), while both Katt Batten and for whatever reason, Jesse, have made themselves otherwise available to field questions.

Seirichi: Really? I have a question for them. Can you bench press a school bus without all the kids and nuns falling out the windows? If not, I won't vote for you. Also the only one of those I even know of is Katt. Isn't she a cook? Hey, Katt. Cook me dinner and I'll vote for you.

Harris: Always selling yourself off cheap. Look, I'm just gonna skim the rest of this list. There's that Arthour guy from Bristle Crios. I don’t understand why one of the hot lady teachers there didn’t run. Thorn and her badonkadonk, which should really be her entire platform. Andu Kirost, who will probably lose when one of the other candidates distracts him with a red cape. Ebon something. Oh snap. And Skid. SKID HAS PROMISED PANCAKES. I totally remember reading that somewhere. I also heard that if you vote for him you get to step on his tail. I’m pretty sure most of these people haven’t published statements yet either.

Seirichi: Don't know that guy. Don't know that guy. Uh… Right, I don't know any of these people. Harris, for once in your life, think. This Skid guy is promising pancakes, right? Katt is a cook, she can make pancakes… or, hey! She could probably make chicken and waffles. And Harris, Harris, Harris. It's not about statements, it's about action. No one cares if you can write pretty or speak cute little words. If they really want to wow people? They need to go out there and do something amazing. You know, like cook for me. The KLIT Studios will take your offerings of food all throughout this election. Also… I almost said erection.

Harris: Matt didn't do anything amazing and he got elected twice. Also, I made it pretty clear we're open to bribes. The influence of this show and the station that runs it is pretty damn valuable in this community. And let's not forget the usually neglected dueling venues that both myself and Seirichi are a part of. Get in our good graces and we can drum up plenty of support there. And why does talking about politics give you an erection? Are you thinking about Fio again? SHE'S NOT GOVERNOR.

Seirichi: Fio will always be the governor of my heart. That's all that's important. EVERYONE! BE SURE TO WRITE IN FIO FOR GOVERNOR WHEN YOU GO TO VOTE!

Harris: She can have your heart. I’ll take all the other bits. Ten candidates! Three days of primary voting, starting on 9/19 and running through 9/21! Get out and vote! Or don’t. We don’t really care beyond whatever bribes we can accrue.

The segment ends with a commercial for First Born Lending Services.
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PostPosted: Thu Oct 30, 2014 4:27 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

Celebrate your favorite holidays with the RhyDin Rewind crew!

Harris: It's almost Halloween. And you know what this holiday is lacking?

Freckles: Uhh...

Harris: Wrong again Freckles! The correct answer is an appropriate piece of prose! That's what smart people call poetry. But thankfully I've taken care of that with a little poem I'd like to call, "The Night Before All Hallows Eve".

Freckles: Actually, Christmas has a po--

Harris: Twas the night before All Hallows Eve when all through the station, not a creature was stirring, including the fans of Team Fist Nation. No stockings were hung by the chimney with care, because Vanion was loose, so orphans beware!

Freckles: This sounds exactly li-

Harris: The children were terrified, hiding under their beds! While visions of decapitations danced in their heads. And with Seirichi in nothing, and I in even less, we prepared to relieve a great deal of evening stress.

Freckles: ...

Harris: When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed without depositing any baby batter. Away to the window I stumbled perplexed, while Seirichi remained unsatisfied and vexed.

Freckles: ...gross.

Harris: I've been really tryin' baby. Tryin' to hold back these feelings for so long. And if you feel, like I feel baby. Come on, oh come on...

Freckles: Those are just the lyrics to Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye!

Harris: I'm sampling! Don't judge me!

RhyDin Rewind! Weekdays, 8-10 AM, only on KLIT-AM 900!
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PostPosted: Wed Nov 26, 2014 6:23 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 611, 26 NOV 2014]

Steely Dan's "Dirty Work" plays to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: Hello RhyDin! Thanksgiving is just around the corner! Or, well, in a few days... or tomorrow? I'm not really paying attention to dates. All I know is? When I wake up and smell food and it isn't the normal smell of food? Then it must be Thanksgiving. Harris. Why do they even call it Thanksgiving? In Adenna we don't have stupid holidays like this. If we want to pig out and eat... we just kill a dragon.

Harris: Aww snap RhyDin, we're gonna have a full spread this year for THE GLORIOUS MICHI'S first Thanksgiving in Adenna! And I'm not just talking about Nima. Seirichi's cooking turkey and we're gonna have candied yams and stuffing and that purple stuff you're supposed to slop onto different things and green bean casserole and mashed potatoes and corn bread and pumpkin pie! And to answer your question, Thanksgiving is a holiday where you murder birds, so I don't know why Adenna doesn't just naturally celebrate it daily, honestly.

Seirichi: Excuse me? I'm cooking? No, see. That's where you're wrong. I'M? Not doing anything. I'm going to sleep while the rest of you cook.

Harris: Sure you are. It's your turn in the rotation this year that just started. Since you're #1, you've gotta cook. You are #1, right?

Seirichi: Of course I'm number one! Who can deny that? But also it's number one's choice to be able to pawn off prizes to the lesser ranks. So I'm going to pawn it off to you. Enjoy cooking and going outside throwing that weird-shaped ball at the back of people's heads.

Harris: Well, we can't have Thanksgiving without someone cooking. Can Freckles cook?

Seirichi: Isn't she Jewish? Is she allowed to do Thanksgiving? FRECKLES, CAN YOU DO THANKSGIVING? She's giving us a weird look...

Harris: She licks herself, so we probably don't want her touching food that's going to be in Michi's mouth. We have a real problem now if we can't find someone to cook.

Seirichi: Can't we just hire someone? Oh... right. Most of the RhyDin population don't work. Trust fund babies run rampant. Okay, so we need to improvise... Oh, I got it!

Harris: We kidnap one of RhyDin's local celebrity chefs and force them into service for us?

Seirichi: No. We get one of your many daughters to do it for us. Just make sure it isn't the one that's six feet under.

Harris: Wow. You're uninvited.

Seirichi: No, no! Wait! Hear me out! They claim they are your daughters, right? Well... we put them to work. Then once everything is said and done? We kick them out.

Harris: You're gonna starve this Thanksgiving because I'm calling in the favor Claire owes me and she's gonna be barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen cooking dinner instead.

Seirichi: Why're you being so difficult? I heard that Thanksgiving is about being with family. Cackle.

Harris: That's right. Maybe I should go spend all this Thanksgiving with, you know, my son instead. That's an option too. And you're the one being lazy and difficult. LIKE ALWAYS. I'm not even sure you're qualified to be raising actual living children.

Seirichi: Extended pause. Mic is slapped over. I'll make a pie, how about that?

Harris: WHAT KIND OF PIE?

Seirichi: CREAM. PIE.

Harris: DING DING DING sound effect. We have a winner! And it's me, with a special Seirichi Thanksgiving Creampie! All of our Thanksgiving problems have been magically solved. Now take us to commercial, you saucy wench.

Seirichi: Well? Freckles? Hurry up and hit the button already.

The segment ends with a commercial for The Floating Dandelions Window Washing Trapeze Artistry Service.
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PostPosted: Fri Dec 26, 2014 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

Merry Kwanzaa from the crew at RhyDin Rewind!

Harris: The Outback has two Opals under challenge! Dizzy vs. Charlie for FireStar and Koyliak vs. Blue for MoonBeryl! And it's worth noting that neither of those are IceDancer. Which begs the question, what's wrong with JC?

Seirichi: When did Aya win an Opal again? Pause. What do you mean she's not Aya, Freckles? They all look alike anyway.

Harris: That's why we've got the "Top Ten Reasons Nobody Has Challenged JC For IceDancer!"

Seirichi: Number ten! Uhh... She's an Aya! It's worth saying again!

Harris: Number nine is, well, Charlie Nine. Because he can make it burn when you pee, just like JC.

Seirichi: It's Winter. Who wants an ice Opal anyway? FireStar is the way to go, so good job Dizzy!

Harris: They think she's KC. That's not a roll of quarters in her pocket for laundry day, she's just *really* happy to see you.

Seirichi: What number are we on again? Six? NUMBER SIX! I hear she's already won several secret challenges with just her mouth.

Harris: Everybody knows the rough stuff costs double. I get a half off discount as a current Opal though.

Seirichi: They think she's MC. Eww. Nobody wants to touch a diseased street urchin.

Harris: Number three! They think she's LC. Wait, does anyone even remember LC?

Seirichi: Number two is number two. I won't get graphic because children might be listening.

Harris: And the number one reason why nobody has challenged JC for IceDancer is... Because I paid them off to make sure she breaks Matt's record. Only 1003 more days to go JC! YOU CAN DO IT!

Seirichi: I changed my mind. I think I want to get graphic about number two in case people didn't get it.

Harris: Please, for the love of God, don't.

RhyDin Rewind! 8-10 AM every weekday morning! Only on KLIT-AM 900!
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PostPosted: Tue Jan 13, 2015 1:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 644, 12 JAN 2015]

Billy Idol's "White Wedding" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: Whenever I show up in RhyDin these days people keep asking me the same question. "Harris, you and Seirichi have been going steady for awhile now. When are you gonna get married?" After I explain to them we're not some high school couple in the 50s that "goes steady", I have to remind them that marriage is a terrible, soul crushing, divorce inducing social experiment that nobody should involve themselves in.

Seirichi: Wait, wait, wait. Before we go any further. What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is "Going Steady"?

Harris: It's when you have sex with the same person at least two times in a row. I mean, that's what I was taught. That means it's a "relationship". However, marriage is where good relationships go to die. Everybody knows that. Once you get married it's all about counting the days until it ends horribly and you probably lose half your stuff.

Seirichi: So I've been steady with around. Mic falls over and is promptly fixed. [EXPLETIVE DELETED], I'm trying to count here! Five people. I think that's wrong, Harris. Only three of those were real relationships. Oh and marriage should really be banned in RhyDin. Do we need to talk about the divorce rates?

Harris: Yes. We could also talk about why people get married and have children 3 weeks after they meet, but that's probably another segment. Tell us about the divorce rates, Seirichi.

Seirichi: They are... Hold on, Freckles is waving something around. Okay, the answer is that divorce rates are REALLY HIGH. So people shouldn't get married unless their relationship is the best. You know, like our relationship. Is that why you're bringing this up? Do you want to ask me something live on air?

Harris: I do, actually. How come you never use mouthwash? But that's neither here nor there I guess. True facts, when your relationship is the best it has nowhere to go but down. And to further prove that marriage is a step in the wrong direction, I decided to marry your sister, Nima. You'd be amazed at the types of things she'll sign without looking.

Seirichi: You can't be serious... It's not April Fools yet, you can cut the act.

Harris: It's barely been two days and this marriage is already having an adverse effect on our relationship. And the honeymoon hasn't even started yet!

Seirichi: I'm not allowing this! I'm putting my foot down! Where's my veto power?!

Harris: Our relationship is the best RhyDin, and it's already starting to crumble right before your ears on the air. I'm pretty sure I told Freckles to fax you a copy of the marriage license, since she was there to act as the witness. This is seriously going to complicate our tax return now too.

Seirichi: Who the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] uses a fax?! What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is a fax?! Freckles, did you seriously know about this?! DON'T GIVE ME THOSE DOE EYES I KNOW YOU KNEW ABOUT IT!

Harris: Did you at least send her the itinerary for our honeymoon to the Kokomo, Freckles? No? Okay. Seirichi. Nima & I are going on a month long honeymoon to the Kokomo. Oh Aruba, Jamaica oooooh I wanna take ya to Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty Mama...

Seirichi: Knocks over the microphone. There's an audible crackle in the air as she stews in silence.

Harris: See, this is what you have to look forward to when you get married. And eventually, everyone comes to the same conclusion. Only a divorce can save the relationship. Guys, this is why you should be a bachelor forever. And ladies, this is why you should... what do you call women that are perpetually single and can't settle down? Sloots?

Seirichi: This isn't funny. You're not really getting married to her, right?

Harris: Is a RhyDin marriage license even valid in Adenna? I mean, technically we may only be married in RhyDin. Technically.

Seirichi: I don't want you marrying her anywhere!

Harris: There's still time to get an annulment I suppose, to save our relationship. We can go together and make a day out of it with cotton candy and everything.

Seirichi: You're damn right we're going! Get the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] up right now, I'm done with this [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. We're [CHAIN OF EXPLETIVES] and you're [CHAIN OF EXPLETIVES]!

Harris: Geeze, we can't wait until after the honeymoon? I got Nima and me a suite with one of those vibrating, heart-shaped beds you put the moneys into. BOING sound effect.

Seirichi: FRECKLES! GET MY COAT!

Harris: Sigh. Oh well. I guess we'll be back after this short break. Maybe.

The segment ends with a commercial for Maple Bar Eaters Anonymous.
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PostPosted: Wed Feb 11, 2015 9:50 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

RhyDin Rewind: Scandal in Seaside!

[Dramatic Music]

Twelve cats dead.

One lighthouse destroyed.

One expensive yacht badly damaged.

One Sister whose bathroom selfie was nearly ruined.

And one co-host who thought she could "Make the yacht do a sick spin and clear the lighthouse, then land back in the water on the other side."

RhyDin Rewind will never be the same..

Nima: .. Are you retarded?

[Record Scratch]

Just kidding!

Seirichi: And it would've worked if those cats hadn't been in the way with their cuddle puddle.

RhyDin Rewind! 8-10 AM every weekday morning!

Seirichi: I guess that makes me pest control. Ebon, you need to cut me a fat check for my services! Meow sound effect. Gunshot sound effect.

Nima: This is why I don't invite you over for brunch anymore.

On KLIT-AM 900!

Seirichi: Just be thankful your boob popped out *after* you took that pic.

We're not THAT hard to find!
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 28, 2015 11:46 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 697, 27 MARCH 2015]

Fort Minor’s “Remember the Name” plays to introduce the segment.

Seirichi: Welcome back to the Rewind, Rhy'Din! As you all know, Harris is STILL currently having his bedtime issues back in Adenna so we have been recycling through co-hosts every day of this past.. month? I think today we have the newest... Freckles, am I reading this right? She says I am. Okay! We have the newest OVERLORD of the Duel of Swords! Claire Farron! This also says you were a Baron? When the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] did that happen? I didn't know you even dueled in that stupid sport.

Claire: Snickering Oh it surprises me too, Seirichi but yeah that just happened here last Thursday. Kimone was a pretty tough fight but I managed to get past her. Seems they'll let anyone be Overlord these days. That was after, um, being Baron of Old Temple for like... awhile. Nine months maybe?

Seirichi: I'd ask who Kimone is but it's obvious she's a loser since you beat her, so I won't bore my listeners. But I do like her name. It's pretty sexy. Anyway, nine months as a Baron and now the Overlord of that broken down shack of an Arena? I bet you're feeling pretty good about yourself. I'd ask you to explain, but your feelings of victory aren't important! So, how do you think Madness is going?! Can you smell it in the air? Fire crackling sound effect All those brackets burning. It makes me feel so good knowing others are suffering through defeat after defeat by some nameless new kids on the block.

Claire: I dunno about others but I know my own is pretty toasty at this point, Aurast losing killed a good chunk of my Xenograg division. Swear I heard a ton of sirens every time people like Myria Graziano, G'nort, and Rakeesh lost. Ouch. That said, I'm thrilled to see some new faces and new names not only in the tournament but also doing some major damage. Always been a fan of the underdog.

Seirichi: I'm sure Kalamere has lots of water handy to put out the fires. Any underdog you're rooting for the most right now? Who do you think is the dark horse of Madness? I'm asking you because I'm sure as [EXPLETIVE DELETED] paying attention to the names. All I know is that top ranks are losing and I'm loving it.

Claire: Shhhhhh, don't say that. I somehow got a top rank and I'm still in. Knowing my luck I'll be out next round now. Knocks her knuckles on the table But if I had to name names, I'd probably say keep an eye out on Kane and Neo-not-that-Neo in Gondar, Daed down in Ganderfeld, that Kiyomi chick in Karnafexx and whoever wins next round between Mason and Kerrigan in Xenograg. No idea who that last one is but I know Mason took out Aurast and Valentina and I don't imagine either of those were easy. So I'd probably have to go for him so long as I don't have to fight him. Laughs

Seirichi: Every name you listed has made be more and more tired. I think even Freckles is sleeping back there. Let's change the subject! How are things on the Isle. Claire, is there anything happening on the Isle anytime soon?

Claire: Yeah so it sounds like there are some neat things in the works for Twilight Isle and-- Gets cut off

Seirichi: Not that island! Overlord's Isle! Is it true Vanion [EXPLETIVE DELETED] [EXPLETIVE DELETED] up there? Are you gonna open an exclusive resort? Do you like water sports?

Claire: Long pause No, probably not... can I even do that? It's a public island... and what? I mean... I like surfing but the waves out there aren't that great.

Seirichi: THERE YOU HAVE IT RHY'DIN! The question EVERYONE has been wanting to know! Does Claire like water sports? It's a yes! I'm sure your husband is a very lucky man, Claire. It's not my thing, but I'm sure there's a good handful of weirdo's out there in this city that are very happy to know they share the same tastes as the Overlord.

Claire: But... I thought surfing was pretty normal... wait, what are you talking about?! This wasn't on the list of questions!

Seirichi: So are you the one doing it or are you the one having it done to you? Or are you an equal opportunist? You look like the type of girl who doesn't mind getting dirty. Team Dirty. Get it? What, Freckles! Stop making an X with your arms! THIS IS A PERFECTLY FINE QUESTION TO ASK! Oh.. you mean we're about to go to commercial? Quick, Claire! For real this time! Is there anything happening on Twilight Isle?

Claire: What? WHAT?! Seirichi! Wait commercial? Ah hell... uh yeah! We just had an All Ranks Tournament, another Archmage Tournament is coming up, um, the Keepers of Earth and Water have something in store next month and rumor among the goblins is that [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is about to get real. Stay tuned!

Seirichi: You know... That was a trick question. No one gives a [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about what happens on Twilight Isle.

The segment ends with a commercial for Jerky Jerrys Jet Skis ‘N More..

Seirichi can be heard in the background while the commercial plays.

Seirichi: I told you I’d sneak water sports in there, Freckles. You owe me 10 nobles.
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Harris
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:33 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 711, 16 APR 2015]

Leslie Gore's "It's My Party" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: I'm always confused why so many people in RhyDin are poor when jobs are constantly being created every day. Everywhere I look there are notices posted for this Waffle Corporation, which I'm assuming is some sort of restaurant, like IHOP. Pause. Freckles is saying it's not pronounced like that. Well how the hell do you pronounce W-h-a-f-y-l-e? It's waffle.

Seirichi: It's because she's a Jewish werewolf. When you've got a mouthful of fangs you pronounce stuff weird. I never know if she's making strange sounds or telling me she wants off for a holiday. Wait, so does this place serve waffles or something? I'm in the mood for some chicken and waffles. With blueberry syrup, no - wait. Blueberry *and* strawberry syrup.

Harris: Apparently the... W-h-a-f-y-l-e Corporation specializes in... party planning? There's an actual job market for planning parties?

Seirichi: Everyone and their mother is either a gay designer or party planner in RhyDin. I guess someone is finally wanting to make a business out of it? Do they plan parties with waffles?

Harris: According to all the posters I ripped down to amuse myself they're currently looking for entertainers in the clown and/or monster variety. Why name yourself after a delicious breakfast delicacy if that isn't going to be part of your deal? I see absolutely nothing about waffles. Just parties and animals.

Seirichi: Wait. Wait. Wait... Don't tell me donkeys are involved. Please don't tell me donkeys are involved.

Harris: There's nothing in the literature that says they *don't* specialize in planning and/or organizing donkey shows. Seems like a thing that fits their profile.

Seirichi: Look, you must be reading this thing wrong. Let me see some of these notes. Papers shuffle rapidly. Exotic dancing... clowns... taking care of animals... There's seriously nothing on here about waffles, and I thought you were lying. More papers shuffle. Look! It says here they have a mermaid on staff!

Harris: So, instead of waffles... fish tacos?

Seirichi: Who the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] eats fish tacos? Maybe we should have them plan a party for us. I'd like to see a mermaid do a strip show. Except if she's a fish on top. Then I'm going to have to say no deal.

Harris: Uhh, I'm pretty sure it's worse if she's a fish on the bottom... But anyway, I guess if you're unemployed, enjoy working with animals, and planning events like this luau they put together earlier in April contact the W-h-a-f-y-l-e Corporation for work. They've got several open positions and apparently fancy employee digs to boot.

Seirichi: Excuse me. I forgot you have a gill and fish lips fetish going on right now. I'm thinking you slept a little too long, buddy.

Harris: Gross. I'm all about the duck lips. Nima takes the best selfies.

Seirichi: Screw this. I'm going out for waffles.

Harris: Don't worry, one day you'll learn how to pout without looking like you just smelled one of your own rancid farts.

Seirichi: Door slams!

Harris: Any mermaids listening, call me. We'll be back after this short break!

The segment ends with a commercial for RustBucket's Starship Scrapyard.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 22, 2015 4:54 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

RhyDin Rewind: Nerd Alert!

Harris: It's the end of an era on Twilight Isle, as current ArchMage/Coordinator Lem DeAngelo has announced he's leaving forever to go on some sex fueled geriatric adventure!

Seirichi: It's a day of mourning for nerds everywhere.

Harris: In honor of Lem's departure and the upcoming ArchMage Tournament to replace him, we bring to you... The Top Ten ArchMagi in Duel of Magic History!

Seirichi: This is probably the most obvious list we've ever done.

Harris: Coming in at number ten...

Seirichi: NOBODY CARES. IT'S MAGIC.

Harris: Basically.

Seirichi: NUMBER NINE. NOBODY CARES. IT'S MAGIC.

Harris: I think they get it's a gag list at this point. We don't have to do the other numbers.

Seirichi: NUMBER EIGHT. NOBODY CARES. IT'S MAGIC.

Harris: Sigh. Sorry Lem. You're going to have to rely on Xanth to give you an appropriate send off. We did sign and send you a decorative velvet pillow for all your future nappings though, to remember us by when that senility finally kicks in.

Seirichi: NUMBER SEVEN. NOBODY CARES. IT'S MAGIC.

Harris: ...

RhyDin Rewind! Get your fix weekday mornings from 8-10 AM!
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PostPosted: Fri May 01, 2015 6:14 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 722, 1 MAY 2015]

Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: We've got a special treat for you today, RhyDin. With us, in studio, is the winner of the 2015 Duel of Swords Madness Tournament, GREN BLOCK-- Pause. Wait, what? Matt won? Oh. Well... We have a decidedly less awesome show for you, I guess.

Matthew Simon: Lies. This is a more awesome show with me on it. Just ask Tara. She'll set you straight.

Harris: Well, I guess we could just ask you all the questions we had written out for Gren. Like what's your favorite pretty flower you've found out in nature on your rangery adventures.

Seirichi: I'm still shocked something like this even happened. Well, not really, but I can act shocked if I want to. What's worse is that I kept hearing things about you smiling, Matt... We all know that isn't true. I'm starting to think this whole Madness thing is rigged.

Matt: If there was a camera, all you listeners, you would see me smiling right now.

Seirichi: My eyes! THEY BURN! HARRIS, TELL HIM TO STOP!

Harris: CHILLING MUSIC sound effect. I've never been more terrified in my life.

Matt: Not even when you found out Seirichi was pregnant with your child?

Harris: RIMSHOT sound effect. This guy wins Madness and he thinks he has jokes now.

Seirichi: Actually Matt he was thrilled about that because he's into this weird pregnant feti-

Matt: Nobody wants to think about that. Except maybe Harris. And your intern. But nobody else.

Seirichi: Wow. Hear that Freckles? Your hero is talking [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about you. She even wore a Team Fist shirt while watching the Madness finals. Let it be known that Matt hates Jewish werewolves. Harris, write that down. We're posting it on the interweb too.

Harris: Moving right along... Coming in at the #4 seed in the Karnafexx Division, Matt went through #13 seed Aaliyah Simoes, #12 seed Ashton Kimbre, #1 seed Melanie Rostol, #11 seed Kiyomi Kubo, #11 seed Race, and apparently #1 seed Gren Blockman in the finals. So down to the nitty gritty, Matt. Who was the toughest opponent you had to defeat this tournament?

Matt: Well, by the score, Aailyah. I won that match 5.5-4.5 in 11 rounds. But as you both know, the score doesn't tell the whole story. Looking back, I've got to say Gren because although I built a lead, he smashed right through it and refused to let me gain any sort of edge until I threw my knife right at his head. I don't think he expected that and it paid off.

Seirichi: So he decided to save his pretty face instead of, you know... winning? All Gren had to do was a backflip and we'd be talking to him instead... but he NEVER wants to do a backflip. I hope he learns from this mistake.

Matt: But I bet everyone would love to know... from a spectator's perspective, who'd you say my toughest opponent was?

Harris: Several seconds of dead air. Oh, you were asking *us*? I mean... we didn't watch that [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. I'm pretty sure I was still sleeping. Also, you know this is our show and we're supposed to be asking the questions, right?

Seirichi: Yeah, I didn't even know Madness was going on until Claire told me, and even after that I got bored with it pretty fast. Anything that lasts longer than one day isn't going to keep anyone's attention. Let's be real.

Matt: Of course, of course. Please, ask the questions you have for Gren.

Seirichi: Did you make out with Koy after everything was over? I think that's what everyone wants to know. And by make out, I mean. BUZZER sound effect. DUCK QUACK sound effect. TOILET FLUSH sound effect. Harris! Which one's the moaning one?

Matt: Neither of us made those particular noises.

Harris: We're just gonna jump to the actual important stuff by giving you the opportunity right here and now on our show this morning to announce the prize package you've chosen for your Madness victory, Matt. Now that's something the people are eager to find out about.

Seirichi: I hope it's the lifetime supply of dragon meat.

Matt: I haven't actually decided yet. I'd be interested to hear your listeners' opinions during the call-in segment. I'm leaning toward the one-challenge and wins, but I'm not locked in quite yet. I was actually somewhat sad there was no cute animal as a prize as there have been in other tournaments.

Seirichi: Matt likes cute animals... That's both unmanly but cute at the same time. Freckles is swooning in the other room right now.

Matt: Freckles should come in and get to ask three questions of her own.

Harris: Again, winning Madness does not mean you get to come on our show and dictate how we run things. And obviously you should take the two grants and sell the second one to the highest bidder.

Seirichi: Yeah. I'm the boss here so let me ask the questions! Papers shuffle. Gren, I mean... Matt. Why are you such a tree-hugging forest nerd?

Matt: Impersonation of Gren. Trees are people too.

Seirichi: BUZZER sound effect. WRONG! TREES ARE MEANT TO BE CUT DOWN! Matt, I'm going to be up front with you right now... you should take the two grants and give one to Harris. That way no one will ever use it.

Matt: But if I don't take it, then no one will ever use it either. So doesn't it wind up the same in the end?

Harris: Wow. Deep.

Matt: Maybe I should give it to my oldest daughter. That's an idea...

Seirichi: WAIT, WAIT. How old is your daughter? Can she marry my son? Let's bridge this family together.

Matt: She's not marrying age. At least not by my standards.

Harris: Whose performance this year in Madness surprised you the most?

Matt: Mason Harrigan, who won Xenograg. I think that most people would say the same.

Harris: Well, I'm out of questions.

Matt: Oh come now. You finished too quickly. I bet Seirichi knows what that's like. So as usual, she'll have to finish up. What would you like to know, Seirichi?

Harris: I'm still waiting for you to do something interesting Matt, that's all. And Seirichi doesn't have any non Koy related questions so I don't know why you're looking at her.

Seirichi: I only have one big question right now. What kind of lingerie does Ko--... I MEAN, WHO ARE YOU GOING TO CHALLENGE WITH YOUR GRANT?

Matt: Easy. Anubis Karos. Old Temple deserves better. Even though I'd really like to hold Battlefield Park again.

Seirichi: Yooooooooooooooooo! Wait. Does Anubis even listen to this show? Whatever. SHOTS FIRED!

Harris: So you're not just going to stand back and let Anubis hilariously ruin the title himself?

Matt: Hasn't that ship already sailed? Many, many times?

Seirichi: There better be trash talk on the cork. That's all I care about.

Harris: I'm pretty sure we can paraphrase what's going to be said. "I AM ANUBIS THE SLAVER AND I WILL COLLAR YOUR WAIFU/CHILDREN/FAVORITE PET FOR MY SEXUAL ESCAPADES COLONEL SIMON."

Seirichi: "GRR! KOY WILL SCRUB MY FLOORS IN NAUGHTY POSITIONS. I AM SCARY!"

Harris: I'm already bored with this challenge and it hasn't happened yet. But, I guess... GET HYPE RHYDIN!

Matt: That's quite the mixed message, Harris. You must be getting distracted by thinking of Nima or something. Seirichi, I believe you had other questions...

Seirichi: I don't want to do this interview anymore. Knocks mic over. MATT SUCKS.

Harris: Good job Matt. PAC MAN DEATH KNELL sound effect.

Matt: Low whistle. Looks like Harris has some making up to do.

Seirichi: He better. It's all his fault.

Harris: Well, after this break we'll take your questions, RhyDin. Maybe you can make Matt interesting.

Matt: Before we go... remember Rhydin: KEEP SMILING!

Harris: And that's why nobody wants you to be Governor again.

Matt: Away from the microphone. Where's the food around this place? I'm hungry.

The segment ends with a commercial for Gorilla Trousers.
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PostPosted: Mon May 25, 2015 11:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

RhyDin Rewind: It's a von Trapp!

Harris: It's time once again to dust off your fancy duds, because we're going to the theater!

Seirichi: There's going to be popcorn, right?

Harris: You'll have to smuggle in a bag in your bra. Which means you're gonna have to actually wear one. But it'll be worth it for THE SOUND OF MUSIC!

Seirichi: That title's stupid. Of course music is going to have a sound, it's music.

Harris: The hills are alive with it, by the way. Because the Shanachie Theater is running The Sound of Music from May 25th until June 6th! How many showings do you want to go to?

Seirichi: That depends. Are we getting paid to pimp this out?

Harris: Uhh, we're always getting paid. All we do is get money. You know that.

Seirichi: Oh... THEN I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PLAY! LET'S SEE IT EVERY DAY IT'S RUNNING! Did that sound good enough?

Harris: If you're like me RhyDin you'll realize it's more fun to pretend you can't tell when she's faking it. We'll see you at the theater!

RhyDin Rewind! Stay connected by listening every weekday morning from 8-10 AM!
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PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 828, 28 SEP 2015]

Weezer's "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: RhyDin. We have the moment you've been holding your breath for all morning. A true Duel of Swords deity has joined us in the studio this morning. And no, we didn’t just go dig up Dalamar’s corpse. We have the only man to have held every title in the Duel of Swords sitting across from us. APPLAUSE sound effect. G'nort... uhh... what's your full name again?

G: God? That'd be easy to remember. But if you want my entire actual name, it's a mouthful, which I've heard isn't an unusual thing for some in this room. Heh, it's G'nort Esplenade G'neesmacher Dragoon-Talanador the Third. Once in awhile I add in a Gustavus in the front to make it sound more regal, so to speak.

Seirichi: Yeah I'm not saying that, so we're going to stick with G. Because even G'nort is pushing it.

G: I prefer G, too. Simple, direct, and memorable. Everybody knows me. I should trademark the letter and get a silver every time it's used. I'd be rich...er.

Harris: G'nort. The people want to know. How do you feel?

G: Same as anyone else, really. With my hands. As far as recent events go, since I am pretty sure that's what you actually meant, I feel pretty good. I mean, how often do you get two major firsts in about a month?

Harris: Now, I’m not here to undermine your accomplishment, regardless of what some people might say, but… are you ever going to find those missing rings? Since, you know, *technically* you haven’t held them all ‘til you do that. I’m just saying. Cough.

Seirichi: Missing rings? What, is there ONE RING TO RULE THEM ALL? Eh? Eh? EHHH? What’s that line from again?

Harris: Top Gun: The Musical.

Seirichi: We should really watch that again... ANYWAY, ABOUT THOSE RINGS. The only rings I’m missing are onion rings.

G: Rings? Well, let's see. The easy answer is 'No' cause that'd take time and energy. Plus, to be perfectly honest, there's just no reason to bring them back. Make no mistake, it'd be not much problem for me to get them if they were around, but, eh, why bother? And… I don't know what Top Gun is, or musicals, I don't do cartoons. Do I get fries?

Seirichi: Fries are for [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. We do onion rings here, no matter how many titles you have. DAMN SKIPPY sound effect plays.

Harris: Don’t worry, RhyDin. I understand if all this ring talk is confusing you. If you'd like a history lesson in relation to today’s discussion please contact Colleen MacLeod-Fenner to set up an appointment.

Seirichi: History is lame. It's all about what's relevant in the here and now. And what's relevant is that G won the big belt and everything else, except for what I'm getting for lunch today, doesn't matter.

Harris: That being said, since you have held all the titles now G, does that make you the Arena’s undisputed G.O.A.T?

Seirichi: Goat? I thought only Anubis was into farm animals.

Harris: GREATEST OF ALL TIME.

G: I’ve been saying I’m the greatest for a bit of time. Best in the world, best there is, best there was, best there ever will be. To be the man you gotta beat the man. Et cetera. I like to play the ego card sometimes and this seems like the right place to do it too, eh Harry?

Seirichi: Speaking of greatness, remember that one time I slammed Harris through a table during a challenge match?

G: No.

Harris: Guffaws. Trolling failure. PAC MAN DEATH KNELL sound effect.

Seirichi: WELL… I’m sure he remembers when you tried to counter troll me when Rand tested him at the challenge and then YOU LOST. Ha!

G: That does seem somewhat familiar, yes. But nobody remembers the undercard, it’s just the main event that matters.

Harris: You’ll have to excuse Seirichi. She’s not familiar with how Duel of Swords works. My counter trolling was a great success, just by virtue of Rand testing in the first place. I know you think DoS is the sport where you argue with nine year olds on the cork, but there are other things involved.

Seirichi: Nine year olds *and* their grandmothers. Don’t forget that. RhyDin needs to teach their children and elderly not to be so easily baited.

G: I don’t want to say it was insulting, but I definitely think it was a tad disrespectful to even bother testing me with my credentials.

Seirichi: THIRTEEN TIME BARON.

G: Pretty sure it’s fourteen, but I’ll recount. You sorta stop officially counting once you hit double digits.

Harris: Rand The Cowardly. I’m so disgusted that he used me to test. I was against it from the point I started losing all the way up until I lost.

Seirichi: It’s actually Rand “The Cowardly” al’Tan.

Harris: No, it’s just one name. Like Ivan The Terrible.

Seirichi: Mine sounds better.

Harris: Nothing you say ever sounds better. Are you deaf in one ear? Either you don’t hear yourself or you’re just immune to it by now.

Seirichi: If I wanted any lip from you I’d wiggle my zipper.

G: Well, there’s no need to call him cowardly. It was a smart move on his part, considering what he was up against. It was strategic. But we can skip that so I can keep listening to you two talk. It’s way more entertaining in person.

Seirichi: G’nort “I Give My Opponents A Break After I Ruin Them” Trafalgar Spleedor The Sixteenth… or whatever all those names are.

G: Ha! I like that! Well, except for the parts where you got my name wrong.

Harris: From one sport great to another G’nort, I think you’re selling yourself short at this point in your career. Don’t you have a TDL championship too? And you won Madness? I don’t hear anything about those accolades.

G: 519 with Company of the Dragon. And I was the *first* Madness winner ever, yessir.

Seirichi: What the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] is TDL? Harris, stop talking about STDs.

Harris: Collie, if you’re listening, I would like to sign Seirichi up for a history lesson in your class. She can sit next to Shadow. Thank you.

Seirichi: Since G’nort has ascended and doesn’t mingle with the peasants anymore all he needs to do is tell that Saul guy to add that to his list of talking points.

G: Saul already does a great job selling my matches. Must say, he stirred up some noise this time, eh? I do have a gripe though.

Seirichi: PREACH.

G: They focused on all the stuff he said about Maggie and he didn't even say anything bad. But nobody said a single thing about anything he said about Jax, the guy I took New Haven from. And he was way more ruthless with Jax. Where were the complaints then? Just goes to show you how people only care about themselves, I guess.

Harris: Oh God. I think he’s talking about Arena politics now, Seirichi. This interview has taken a turn for the worst all of a sudden.

G: Not politics, double standards. I’m just saying, if Saul had cut promos on Anubis everybody would’ve eaten it up.

Seirichi: I for one think Saul is terrible and mean-hearted! His words did nothing more than bully the poor and innocent and I think you should be ashamed! Words can kill, don't you know?! DUCK QUACK sound effect. Just kidding. Why can't Rhydin handle the banter anymore? Be sure to send us your reasons why! This is me plugging our mail system again, by the way.

G: I've heard what you've said about the Arena, Seirichi, and how the Outback is better and all, and that's fine. There's a lack of energy, and I think most people just want things in the Arena to be flowers and rainbows.

Harris: I’m just gonna skip to the real reason we invited you here, G’nort, because we don’t have the the 12 hours it would take to talk about everything wrong with DoS.

Seirichi: Yeah. We had another reason. A reason that isn’t even related to you making history.

Harris: You have a kingdom. A kingdom called Urnst. Kingdoms have land. And we’re looking to build a summer home.

G: So… you invited me to borrow money?

Harris: Replace money with land. And borrow with… give you.

G: Riiiiiiight. Just give you land. Well sure, I could do that. But it’d have to be taxed lands. And they’re pretty high. What’s in it for me.

Harris: Seirichi. It’s time to make good on your offer. Break out the girls. BOING sound effect.

Seirichi: Breaking out the girls now… hold on, this bra is screwing with me. The ONE DAY I decided to wear one...

G: That’s… not really necessary.

Seirichi: Go ahead and undo it, G. You’ve earned this great honor.

G: Is she still a virgin? Seirichi, are you still a virgin?

Harris: There isn’t a patch of flesh or gaping orifice she owns that’s gone unmolested. And that was before I met her. RIMSHOT sound effect.

G: Ears and nostrils too? Wow.

Seirichi: I think there’s an armpit that hasn’t been touched.

Harris: It’s a good time to be magnanimous, G’nort. While you’re riding this high. Plus it’s a great way to make up for all my birthdays you missed. And Seirichi’s quinceanera.

G: Well, I can’t make any promises, but you’ve known me a long time, and you do know I don’t give anything away for free. Everything’s got a price.

Seirichi: What if I promised you TWO TICKETS to the gun show? POW, POW! Mic gets knocked over.

Harris: Ugh. We’re gonna go to commercial RhyDin. Because what Seirichi is going to have to do during the break for us to get a few acres won’t be for the faint of heart. Good job winning all the things, G’nort. You’re like an Arena version of me, except a ginger.

G: Sexier too! And thanks, winning is normal for me.

The segment ends with a commercial for Bed Bath & Burlap.
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PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2015 11:00 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

[A 1 minute bump airs on the radio.]

RhyDin Rewind: GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE!

Harris: It's a day of turkeys RhyDin. Even if you're not a bowling enthusiast.

Seirichi: If you're like me RhyDin you're pretending to know what Harris is talking about while rolling your eyes.

Harris: We're all lucky that turkeys are delicious, unlike certain unnamed fowl that we're about to name with our Top Ten Rejected Thanksgiving Birds!

Seirichi: TEN! Hummingbird! Because everyone would need seconds. And thirds. And fourths. And fifths. And sixths...

Harris: AHEM! Crow. You're only supposed to eat that figuratively, people.

Seirichi: Eagle. BECAUSE AMERICA!

Harris: Number seven! Goldeneye. Begins singing. GOLDENEYE! I've found his weakness! GOLDENEYE! He'll do what I please! Stops singing. I'm not eating Tina Turner and neither should anyone else.

Seirichi: Pigeon! Rats with wings. Next!

Harris: Ostrich. Do you know how many days it would take to stuff one of those things?

Seirichi: Titmouse? I thought that was a mouse... with tits.

Harris: Penguin. Nobody wants to get arrested by the cute police for clubbing baby penguins to death.

Seirichi: Kite? KITE? ALSO NOT A BIRD! NEXT!

Harris: And the number one rejected Thanksgiving bird is... The Nuthatch? Hahahahahahaha! My nuthatch is not for eating, thank you very much.

RhyDin Rewind! 8-10 AM every weekday morning!

Seirichi: The Overlord's nuthatch is not for eating! At least not for you people.

Harris: I'm not Overlord anymore.

Seirichi: Not for me now either.

Only on KLIT-AM 900!
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 7:45 pm    Post subject: RhyDin Rewind Finale, Part 1 Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 932, Segment 1, 19 FEB 2016]

Stealers Wheel's "Stuck In The Middle With You" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: It's been a long time coming loyal listeners, but what you’re listening to right now at this moment is the final RhyDin Rewind we'll be hosting and we're doing it big, live from the Spirit Cup in Adenna! Naturally you're wondering, "Why didn't you do something live from RhyDin for your last show?" Well, the answer is... because we didn't want to. So deal with it, I guess.

Seirichi: Hear that? That's the cheers of Adenna getting another goal. That's enough reason to host our last episode here. Once those neutered Cuth boys are out, then it's smooth sailing to a finals win. YEAH! [EXPLETIVE DELETED] THEM UP! Audible crowd roar.

Harris: Spirit Cup is soccer, RhyDin. Just so you can understand some of the gibberish coming out of Seirichi's mouth. And don’t worry, the RhyDin Rewind will survive without us, with its new hosts Jheri Curl Jones & Bacon Bit debuting next month, just in time to cover Madness! But today we're bringing this whole thing full circle with our final guest, who also happened to be the first guest on our show in 2012! All the dedicated fans know who I'm talking about.

Seirichi: The worst guest of them all?

Nima: The guest whose women's team made a fool of Adenna's. Which I'm sure you weren't going to mention.

Seirichi: THEY ONLY WON BECAUSE YOU STOLE SOME OF OUR CITIZENS!

Nima: Harris. Is it wrong for someone to play for a nation they marry into? There's nothing in the rules against it. Can you tell your significant other to stop being “salty”?

Seirichi: IT'S [EXPLETIVE DELETED]! THAT'S WHAT IT IS! AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE MAGICAL ENHANCEMENTS!

Nima: There she goes again. Crying without proof. Like always. Let me apologize for being baited into my sister’s rude behavior so I can say "Hello!" to Rhydin! Hello everyone! I hear Fashion Week is going to start up soon! Maybe I should model for it? It's been years...

Harris: Well, since Seirichi is too fat to fit into anything that's not a shower curtain it's probably a good idea for you to show off Adenna's fashions this year again. That's why you're the smart and beautiful one, Nima.

Seirichi: I'm not fat! This is our last episode doing this and you're going to make it about something as dumb as her? Can't we talk more about the Spirit Cup?! Adenna's male squad is about to make it to the finals!

Nima: And she's too loud and not at all graceful. You forgot those two, but I'll say them so you aren't sleeping on the couch tonight.

Seirichi: It's not like I want to even be in fashion week anyway-- YES! THAT'S ANOTHER GOAL! Raucous crowd cheers.

Nima: Can we turn her volume down?

Harris: I guess for this segment we're just going to watch people play soccer. Seems legit. Is this even being broadcast in RhyDin? Flip through all your TV channels to see if there's any soccer on, RhyDin.

Seirichi: Of course it's not playing in Rhydin! They weren't invited.

Nima: How very xenophobic of you.

Seirichi: I.. Wait -- what does that even mean?!

Nima: It is playing in Rhydin right now. Unlike my sister, I am on the Spirit Cup committee and brought up the idea of allowing Rhydin sports television to come and record today's games. They should be available soon! That way Rhydin can watch the Adenna women's team get crushed in high definition quality.

Harris: Give me ten minutes with them and I'll crush them single-handedly in HD. Which stands for hard di---

Seirichi: YOU'RE NOT CRUSHING ANYONE BUT ME!! NIMA STOP SMILING AT HIM! YOU'RE ALL MAKING THIS THE WORST FINAL EPISODE EVER!

Harris: When you come to RhyDin for Fashion Week you can stay on the yacht, Nima. I'll get a babysitter for Seirichi and we can paint the town red, since you'll obviously need a proper escort. Also, what *are* you going on about, Seirichi? The adults are talking right now.

Nima: I first need to see if Christopher Andan will allow me to model again. After all, there's so many other beautiful women lining up to wear Pearle De Causey's dresses.

Seirichi: Like you won't twist his arm until he lets you do it.

Nima: What was that, Seirichi? Did you say something? I'm sorry, I was distracted by Adenna scoring again.

Seirichi: They did?! Hold on! Mic jostling and distant whistling.

Nima: Now that she's distracted... Will we be rooming together on the yacht, Harris?

Harris: There's a guest room, which I will naturally have spruced up specifically for you. But of course if you're feeling unsafe due to all the rabble routinely scuttling around at night in RhyDin my room is just down the hall.

Nima: With all the fires and what happened in Seaside... I'd be so scared to sleep alone. Please keep me safe!

Harris: Seirichi is giving me the stink eye right now for some reason. Don't you want your sister protected? We're all family here now you know. Don't be that way.

Seirichi: Then she can sleep with me while you stay in the guest room. That's final.

Nima: Oooh. That's final, she says. We could always sleep together! You shouldn't take up more than half of the bed, and I'm sure Harris and I can cuddle up with each other to save space. After all, we're all family!

Harris: I'll have to get the bed triple reinforced if Seirichi's gonna be on it. And now she's being petty by throwing Nima's microphone. Someone get that! Nima's losing precious air time!

Nima: I'll just scoot in and share yours. A little closeness between in laws is always nice, isn't it?

Seirichi: I'm not having fun anymore. You two ruin everything.

Harris: Don't worry, we have other segments that don't involve Nima. And we can move onto one of those if you prove you know how to go to commercial on your own, without any help. While Seirichi attempts to figure that out and fails I'll talk to Nima about what she plans to model for Fashion Week, which will run from February 28th to March 5th!

Nima:
I'm not so sure, but it'll be the best dress of them all. You can count on--

Seirichi: Wait, shut up for a second! AND ADENNA DOES IT! SIX TO ZIP! CUTH BLOWN THE [EXPLETIVE DELETED] OUT!! WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK AFTER THIS COMMERCIAL BREAK, RHYDIN! AND THIS TIME WITHOUT MY [EXPLETIVE DELETED] OF A SISTER [EXPLETIVE DELETED] WITH THE WHOLE THING!

Nima: Stay in style, Rhydin!

Seirichi: SHUT UP! THIS IS MY CUT TO BREAK!

No commercial plays, only dead air.


Last edited by Harris on Sat Feb 20, 2016 1:35 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostPosted: Fri Feb 19, 2016 8:08 pm    Post subject: RhyDin Rewind Finale, Part 2 Reply with quote

[Excerpt of RhyDin Rewind transcript of show 932, Segment 6, 19 FEB 2016]

Sublime's "Wrong Way" plays to introduce the segment.

Harris: We're back and here to bring you our very last Top Ten List! The Top Ten Reasons We've Decided To Leave The Show!

Seirichi: There's way more than just ten.

Harris: Well, we're running on a limited amount of time.

Seirichi: Ten! FIO ISN'T GOVERNOR ANYMORE.

Harris: Leaving the show will finally cut down on all the death threats we've been getting. Maybe.

Seirichi: We've used up all the interns we needed to run the show. They keep dying and exploding!

Harris: Number seven is real talk. Seirichi's just too fat to fit into the studio.

Seirichi: I'M NOT FAT! And we're getting a trashy TV show instead now. Look for it on Fox!

Harris: We've probably run out of jokes? Pfft. Speak for yourself.

Seirichi: They wouldn't give us the 750 percent raise we demanded for this quarter.

Harris: Number three! I have a yacht. It's not really a reason, I just wanted to remind everyone.

Seirichi: I was only doing this to meet chicks anyway.

Harris: And the number one reason we've decided to leave the show is... We just wanna be able to sleep in again.

Seirichi: Pregnant women shouldn't have to work anyway. I need lots of time to do nothing!

Harris: You've pretty much spent the last four years on this show doing nothing. Freckles does all your work.

Seirichi: We're still firing her in the last segment, right?

Harris: Stay tuned RhyDin to see what we still have in store for you on this, our last episode!

The segment ends with a recruitment commercial for The Cult Of P'Murt.
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