“Hey, E! Come on in, come on in, good to see you!”
The two men came together and shook hands, E taking a seat in front of Lura's desk.
“So, what have you managed to come up with?”
Lura rubbed his chin a little, taking a seat. “Well, it was tough. See, we wanted to find something about you that stands out, something that's really marketable, you know? You're a good fighter, but not great. You're kinda good-looking, but you're forty years old. You seem like a nice guy, but nice doesn't sell shirts. You don't even have a hot wife, you know?”
E shook his head, chuckling. “You're not exactly helping my ego, here, man. Did you come up with something or not?”
Lura grinned at him. “Hey, of course, I wouldn't have called you in here otherwise. See, we were looking over the Standings for Swords and Fists, and we hit upon something about you that really stands out. You're one of the most active duelists out there. You've had thirty duels since you came back for Swords, which apparently makes you the most active Warlord during that time. You fight a bunch of Fists duels, and had nineteen in six days during that Apple Grab thing, fourth most out of everyone who took part, and enough to make you the first runner-up in the tournament. Every night you're out there, you're putting on a show. Win, lose, or draw, people will get to see E fight. And that's what we're gonna sell 'em.”
He reached under his desk and laid a black t-shirt out between them. The front of the shirt was simple. It read 'FIGHT E FIGHT.' E grinned at it and picked it up to admire it.
“Oh man, this is perfect. This is exactly what I wanted.”
He turned it around to see the back, and his face went from excitement to horror.
“What in the world? What is this on the back?”
“Well, yeah, about that. We can't just sell a shirt on you going out there and getting your butt kicked. We've gotta kinda imply that you're a dangerous guy. Plus that'll make it easier to sell different shirts later. Trust me, it's fine.”
E lowered the shirt to look at the man, uncertainty evident on his face. “I don't know. It seems kinda...over the top?”
“Look, man, the truth is, you are dangerous. You punch people in the face and try to stab them with swords. I mean, yeah, they get better, but that stuff on the back isn't exactly a lie, you know?”
E looked at it again. “Well, if you're sure, I guess we can give it a shot.”
“Hey, great, glad to hear it. That one's yours, go ahead and keep it. We'll be running an ad shortly.”
And so it was that, shortly thereafter, the following ad began appearing in reputable (and not so reputable) dueling periodicals.
((With apologies to Kevin Steen and Ring of Honor.))
