Hydra 2015 Preseason Rankings/Predictions

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Wynn Whittaker
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Hydra 2015 Preseason Rankings/Predictions

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Hydra Pre-Season Rankings & Predictions
Written By Wynn Whittaker for the Rhydin Review

Hydra, Hydra, Hydra. After some time off, Hydra Corporation has brought back their annual(ish) summer tournament. Way back in… what was it… whoa 2013. Am I reading that right? I am? Okay. So, way back in 2013, we saw Beat Down edge out Champions of Mythos for another championship. Behind those two heavy hitters, the Hydra house team, G’nort’s Company of the Dragon, a fledgeling Team Dirty, a blustery Forces of Nature, Fio’s man Steve’s Sunday Night’s Leftovers, and Team Xanth… er Great of Strength. This year, there’s no sign of Beat Down or CoM, both teams seemingly dissolved even outside of Hydra. Wrecking Crew’s blue is nowhere to be found, Team Dirty’s lovely (and I use that term loosely) pink and black is noticeably absent, and it looks like Great of Strength got a facelift and new management, now running under Chemical Burn’s banner with the charming, if a bit creepy, Bile at the helm. Great name, that. Though I’ve gotta say, we find ourselves blessed with Team Fist’s presence as a last minute addition. For awhile there, I was worried all of this Team Fist Nation gear I picked up during Ragnarok and Iron Fists League was going to go to waste.

Regardless, we’re here to break it all down preseason, put in our predictions, and give you the who’s who look at our new teams. We’ve even gone through and ranked them for you based on how they look on paper. Of course we all know paper doesn’t mean crap when it comes to the actual fights but until people start punching, stabbing, and spell-slinging we have nothing to go off of. So without further ado, here’s the breakdown.

Up first and ranked at the top of the heap:

Team Fist <3:

Captain: Matt Simon
Assistant Captain: Kheldar Drasinia
Members: Kalamere ar’Din, Andrea Anderson, Lilith

So there are two schools of thought when it comes to these guys. We’re either looking at the greatest assembly of fighters since the Avengers (the real Earth ones, not the Rhydin knock offs) or we’re looking at a breakout from the Old Duelists Home lead by a pair of hot-but-kinda-scary girls. Now some of my journalistic minded colleagues seem to have it out for Colonel Simon but me, myself, and I? Nah, this guy is hands down one of the greatest duelists the Outback has ever seen. Add Kheldar and Kalamere to the list along with current Diamond Apple Anderson, we’re looking at a pretty sweet setup. They’ve even brought on relatively new-ish duelist Lilith. Maybe they’ll even let her fight at some point. I’m always a sucker for a charity case.

When it comes to all three sports, these guys really are the cream of the crop when it comes to their competition. In swords, Matt, Kheldar, Kalamere, and Andrea are all former barons with plenty of experience under their belts which is a nice even spread, including a bit of Overlord action from Kalamere in the past. In Fists, it’s really hard to find a more well rounded group. With a collective 17 Diamonds between Matt, Kheldar, and Andrea, there’s no way to call them anything but awesome. Kalamere had a run with the black rock, ShadoWeaver and Lilith shot up to Emerald in a relatively short time. I’m a numbers man, so I can’t help but drool over the nearly 700 wins between them. Sure, a little over 500 are from Matt Simon alone (have I mentioned he’s the greatest?), even their most inexperienced Emerald carries twenty of her own. Finally, in magic, I think that Team Fist is the team to beat. Even though there’s only one mage (Matt), they’ve also got a couple enchanters and a sorcerer, with several of them having held towers in the past.

I expect nothing short of greatness out of this crew and I’m not even going to make any lewd comments about the ladies. Mostly because I’m afraid Lilith or Andrea (or both?) might hunt me down and give me the most enjoyable arm bar of my life, but still. Solid. That’s what this team is. I’d put good money on them ending up on top when everything is said and done.

Next up! And trust me, these guys are a close second...
Last edited by Wynn Whittaker on Fri Jul 03, 2015 12:16 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Post by Wynn Whittaker »

Chemical Burn:

Captain: Bile
Assistant Captain: Anubis Karos
Members: Xanth van Bokkelen, Minion of Deathlord, and Layla Paine

Maybe Anubis has been too busy being experimented on by some guy named Clamtrude, but it looks like Great of Strength has given way to Chemical Burn. While Anubis has stepped into an assistant captain role, Bile takes point as Chemical Burn’s captain. Now I know the big question on everyone’s mind is: will this be Team Xanth or are any of his teammates going to pull their weight this season? With Hydra’s latest incarnation, they won’t have much of a choice but to at least try, so we’ll see what Layla and Minion (that one, not the other one) will add to the team.

Rank wise in swords, Chemical Burn is sitting pretty with four Warlords (including former Overlord and recently stripped (encouraging, really) Baron of Old Temple, Anubis), and a Grandmaster ranking out of Layla. Don’t be surprised if she bumps up to Warlord as well over the course of the tournament, that girl has been hot, hot, hot lately. Fists wise, you’ve got Emeralds out of Anubis and Xanth, including a Diamond out of the assistant captain. Other than that, they don’t have much for rank in fists so we’ll see how much they lean on Xanth and Nube. Finally, in magic, Xanth looks like their obvious go to, having been both Archmage and a Keeper of all four elemental towers. Bile had a brief stint as the Keeper of Fire but otherwise, they’re a little lackluster in the magic department.

All in all though, I expect them to go fairly far based solely on the fact they’ve got some heavy hitters on the team and that whole creepy bad guy thing going for them. It’s a thing, you know? They could even surprise us and pass up Team Fist. Of course it’s dependent on everyone pulling their weight and not depending solely on Xanth, but if Anubis does his part, it should be pretty easy for Bile, Minion, and Layla to pick up the rest from there.

With a third place pre-season ranking, I give you...
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Royal Pain:

Captain: Jewell Ravenlock
Assistant Captain: Rena Cronin
Members: Eva Luna, Shae, April Brell

If I had to sum up Royal Pain in one word… meow. Now, I admit that I partially ranked them this high for their collective hotness, but to top it off, some of these girls can actually duel! Shocking, right? Jewell has put together another all girl team a la her stint in the Iron Fists League and we’ll see just how much they can do in the three sport setting. Held over from IFL, Jewell brings along her assistant captain Rena Cronin and IFL surprise stand out Eva Luna along with relative unknowns Shae and April Brell. Now, it took me awhile to dig up their stats because I got a little sidetracked uh, researching their physical appearances, but that stuff’s important too. Anyways, on to the numbers!

Not nearly as strong as Chemical Burn, Royal Pain still brings some heat in all three sports. Jewell brings a shiny Warlord ranking in swords and Rena’s a true triple threat with top ranks in all three sports, including her current stint as Archmage. Eva even held the black rock, ShadoWeaver, for a short time after winning it in the Great Stag tournament during Beltane. So don’t let that Jade ranking fool you unless you’re willing to let her punch you in the face for it. I’d let her… except my editor is telling me that she’s married, which is a terrible crime against humanity. Wait, he’s even on a team himself? But it’s not Royal Pain… ouch, that’s got to sting. “I love you honey, but not enough to be on a team with you.” That’s love, people. It’s okay, Eva, you can call me anytime and I’ll take care of you. Anyways, in Magic, expect Rena to be the one they lean heavily on unless the other four somehow learn that crazy sport in a rather short time. They are really hurting for some rank but keep an eye on Shae. I think she’ll be one to watch.

To sum it up, I think they’ll be relying on their collective clout in the other two sports to take them the distance. If they can manage to overcome Team Fist’s and Chemical Burn’s experience, they might even come out on top. And if they don’t? Well, I’m sure the men will be lining up to let them come out on top of something else.

Next up, with a fourth place pre-season ranking, we’ve got...
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The Rock Hards:

Captain: Kruger Allen
Assistant Captain: Rachael Douglas
Members: Spider, Red urThorne, Noah Bird

Well… this is certainly quite the group of odd duelists. It sort of reminds me of Mercenarii with how rag tag this bunch of fighters is. The Anvil has brought the Rock Hards name over from the Iron Fists League but only with Rachael Douglas who went 1-3 and finished just above the 0-4 Minam Go on the team. Where’s Grace Frigg? I love that girl. Grace, if you’re reading this, call me! Juliane has changed teams as well, so we’ll still see her in Hydra, just not on ROC. We’ll get to her in just a bit. In the mean time, let’s check out the rest of the Rock Hards. Rounding out the crew, we’ve got Spider, who seems to be up and coming in both swords and magic, as well as relative unknown Noah Bird, and the scary hot Red urThorne. Man that girl could probably squish me like a bug and I would die happy. Proof right there that milk does a body good.

Stats, right, let’s go over those. In Swords, I imagine we’ll be seeing a whole lot of Red and Spider. Red’s got that Warlord ranking and is coming off of a recent Warlord Tournament win as well as a stellar run in Madness. Spider jousted his way to a Talon of Redwin win to accent his Grandmaster ranking as well. Much like Layla Paine on Chemical Burn, watch for the bump up to Warlord over the coming weeks, I think he’ll be one to watch for sure. In Fists, I had to ding ‘em a little bit because despite making their team debut in the Iron Fists League, they’re sort of lacking in that department rank wise. Rachael holds an emerald and once upon a time had the yellow opal, MoonBeryl. Red’s got herself a Ruby to match that hair of hers, as well as the cycle’s Panther’s Claw. Other than that, Noah and Spider don’t have much experience in the unarmed ring, and Kruger proves exactly why his nickname is “The Anvil” with the pounding he tends to take. Where I think the Rock Hards are going to struggle is with Magic. Of course, if the other teams have Magic issues too, then I guess it isn’t that big of a deal, but ROC’s highest ranker is Mage Rachael who held a tower, though it has been some time. Spider’s got himself a Sorcerer ranking which is nice to see but up against some of those higher ranks may be a bit of a struggle. The other three have a whole lot of nada in the sport.

Kruger’s biggest issue here will be finding where people are best suited and keeping them there. Rather than rotating through the lineup, I think he’ll be best served by planting the heavy hitters where they belong and filling in the gaps with some of his less experienced members along the way. It’ll be an uphill battle, that’s for sure, but if their last IFL showing is any indicator, Kruger’s always down for a challenge.

Now to round out the bottom of the heap. In fifth place, I bring you...
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Deathcake:

Captain: Salvador Delahada
Assistant Captain: Skid
Members: Canaan Devillier, Sabine Gabrielle, Aoife Duggan

Deathcake, last seen in Tour de Rhydin circa 2009, has been resurrected with a couple holdouts and some whole new faces. If this were about who can be edgiest, Deathcake would win hands down. Rhy’Din’s favorite bad boy Salvador Delahada has brought along IFL MVP Skid, Baron of Old Market Sabine Gabrielle, Saturday night Swords caller Canaan (hopefully with an appropriately fitting shirt), and the pretty much unknown but still cute Aoife Duggan. My little sister is already out buying their merch because that cupcake is just too cute to handle. So, uh, points for that?

Let’s see what Deathcake is bringing to the table. Deathcake’s got a pair of Masters at Arms with Sal and Skid, but where their strengths really lay in Swords will be with Baron Sabine. Miss Gabrielle shot up the ranks and quickly secured herself the Old Market barony after beating the snot out of Hope Not-Queen from Team Dirty. Oh, they say she was pregnant when that happened. Who Sabine? No? Hope was? Oh, I guess that’s still impressive… I guess. It’s kinda like when Vinny challenged a pregnant Seirichi for ShadoWeaver. But hey, if you can’t handle the potential child endangerment charges, get back in the kitchen. Now before the feminists come burning my office down, I’ll have you know I love women, so don’t be mad. Also, I’m being told I need to take this time to remind readers that my views do not represent those of the Rhydin Review nor that of any subsidiaries. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming. In Fists, again Sabine is top dog with an Emerald earned while she was the mentee of everyone’s favorite Mandalorian, Melanie Rostol. Behind Sabine, Cane and Sal could prove dangerous with their steady climbing of the ranks and fairly unpredictable techniques. One to watch for sure will be IFL MVP Skid. He wrecked a whole lot of face and while he hasn’t done a ton in the Outback, I still wouldn’t take him lightly. And in magic… why am I even bothering? Cane’s their highest rank at Apprentice so… they better pray to the dueling gods that they either get good quick or get lucky.

What does Deathcake need to win? Moxie, which they’ve got in spades. Luck, which if they end up with extra, they need to send it my way. And maybe some tactical disappearances on their competitors’ teams. Admittedly, Deathcake has that edgy, je ne sais quoi to them that could ultimately prove to be either their greatest asset or their ultimate downfall. It’s all about how they use it.

And that’s what I’ve got for you! Hope you’ve enjoyed… oh, hold on. I’ve been informed I forgot to talk about Hydra-Foil. So let’s do that real quick (and I promise it’ll be quick)...
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Hydra-Foil:

Captain: Eden Parker
Assistant Captain: Mason Harrigan
Members: Jolyon Gardner, Bailey Raptis, Juliane Smith

At first I saw this team and went “Who?”, which I admit isn’t very nice of me, but once I reviewed the lineup, I saw there’s a bit of familiarity there. Honestly, they aren’t giving me a whole lot to go off of, so we’ll do what we can, right? Captain Eden Parker’s got her work cut out for her after assembling this team of misfits, picking up Mister Eva Luna, also known as Mason Harrigan, who recently had a Cinderella story showing in Madness, making it all the way to the Final Four. Juliane Smith has two IFL seasons under her belt, one on Team Dirty and another on the Rock Hards. And Bailey and Jolyon… I’ve got nothing on. Sorry guys. But we may as well break it down anyways so I hit my word requirement for my editor.

In Swords, their top ranker will be Mason with his Master at Arms ranking and a whole lot of smoldering underdog charisma. I guess I can see why Eva married him (even if I’m better looking). Eden and Bailey follow behind Mason with their shiny Commoner ranks and it doesn’t look like Jolyon and Juliane have any recent relevant experience when it comes to the blades. In Fists, we’ve got a trio of Glass ranks and a pair of unranked folks which… isn’t very encouraging. If I had to pin anyone for a fair go to on this team, I’d say watch Juliane. Her former IFL team called her Crazy Legs and man oh man, I’d love to find out why. I’m told I should ask Bane, anyone know how I can get ahold of him? Finally in Magic, this may very well be the most underwhelming team on the board. Adorable Eden and Hot Blonde Jules have both dabbled in the sport and I think we even saw Juliane in Duel of Magic’s Midnight Sun tournament here awhile back but other than that… well, it’s pretty much an across the board lack of experience here.

Don’t get me wrong, we all love an underdog story but wow… there are underdogs and then there’s Hydra-Foil. Does Hydra have participation awards? Because honestly, that’s all I see Hydra-Foil getting. But hey, every league needs a designated punching bag. Best of luck, Hydra-Foil, you’re gonna need it.




Okay, now I’m done for real this time. Let’s sum it up.

Wynn’s Pre-Season Rank:
1. Team Fist
2. Chemical Burn
3. Royal Pain
4. Rock Hards
5. Deathcake
6. Hydra Foil

People to Watch: Matt Simon (TMF), Layla Paine (CHM), Shae (RPN), Spider (ROC), Skid (DCK), Juliane Smith (HFO)

Biggest Swords Threat: Chemical Burn
Biggest Fists Threat: Team Fist
Biggest Magic Threat: Team Fist

That’s all for this round. Stay tuned for possible previews of our Week One matchups (if I don’t get fired first).
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