Lost and Unlost: PathFinder's Grace

[Kruger]

Kruger walked his way through Monument Park at midday, there were more people than usual for the time of day. Most of them were kids, the schools had been closed due to the weather. That was part of the reason he’d chosen to walk the park. The monuments for which the park had been named for were decorated in blankets of snow and ice which somehow made them more interesting to look at. The other reason was that it was the straightest path to the docks. His thoughts were caught, twisting around each other and blowing about like a mental tornado. He’d been there before, different thoughts, concerns, and emotions than in those days. It was the same old trap though, and he was having problems navigating them, let alone separating feelings from facts. To any close enough, they’d hear his low humming, he really couldn’t help that, not that he ever tried. Music was a part of who he was.

MoonBeryl warned about this. Pathfinder’s words slid across the outskirts of his entangled thoughts, and for the moment brought a halt to the song Kruger had moving through him.

He remembered how the yellow opal had disapproved of that side of him. This felt different, more a kind of intrigued attention from PathFinder. “I am what I am. You won’t get an apology, or an excuse.” He was silent for the next dozen or so paces before speaking again. “Do you and your siblings ever just listen to the world? The notes are out there waiting to be interpreted.”

You still haven’t answered my question. Why did you come after me? You don’t seem the type that wishes to learn the secrets of rot and ruin. Kruger made a face at the last part. The voice wasn’t wrong. He did not need to know about decay beyond how to stave it off as long as possible.

“I don’t suppose you’d believe that I just wanted the Terra Master title?” An incredulous laugh sifted its way through his head like the aftermath of a glitter bomb settling across every chair and table in a room. “What about if I said that I understand the element of earth, and stone…but not the living earth?”

I’d say that you’re trying to fool yourself with that. I do believe that you want that understanding, but it is not why you came for me. PathFinder was not MoonBeryl, the yellow opal would have become impatient with Kruger’s dissembling.

“Fine, there is more, although I feel like you’re asking me questions that you already have answers to. I don’t want to walk into your rhetoric, or let you believe that I can be easily manipulated.” Kruger paused to look at Forsyth Fountain. He had no idea who this Forsyth was, but they apparently really liked mermen and swans. There was no water streaming from the conch shells the mermen blew into, but there were long icicles falling downwards toward the basin. “Maybe I’m a little lost, trying to find my way into who I want to be. Does it matter?”

Rhetorical or not, we have to learn to trust each other if our…pairing is going to yield any results. We may not have a lot of time together. With that in mind, it only makes sense to be honest about intentions. Kruger was forced to acknowledge the truth in the statement. There was no telling when the first would come, could be only days away and he couldn’t guarantee that he’d be able to hold onto the opal.

He was about to say as much to PathFinder when he felt a hand in his. He’d been distracted and didn’t see the form that had approached him. He looked down at the pink mitten clad hand that had taken his, then to the owner of it. She was young, and wearing a pink beanie hat with a fringed ball on the top. The up-curled hem of her hat was a purple heart and with a black anvil at its center. The girl didn’t seem to be paying him particular attention, her focus also on the swans and mermen, the hat made him smile a little. A look over her head revealed a parent who was staying close and watching.

Kruger went down on one knee to face the girl. “Hi there.” His smile broadened, eyes brightening for her. “What’s your name?” He was used to being recognized, though it normally came in the form of asking for autographs.

“Marissa. I’m nine.” The girl said her name, offering her age like she expected that as the next question from adults. She turned a set of stunningly blue eyes on him. “You looked a little sad. Were you?”

Kruger tilted his head and considered the question. He could still feel the attention of the opal on him. “I don’t know, Marissa. Maybe a little, but I am working my way through it.” Was that really the visual he was showing to the world at that moment? He really didn’t know.

“Me too, cuz I hafta start liking someone else.” She pulled her hand free of his, and tugged the mitten on tighter. “That’s what my teacher says at least. I need to find a strong female role model… cuz I’m growing up.” Kruger saw her hesitation in the admission.

“It is important to find role models. Who have you chosen?” He knew it happened, especially around this age. They’d slip away from The Anvil, but never really leave him. Marissa brightened a little at his question. It likely had a lot to do with him being interested, rather than trying to convince her of anything.

“I like Dakota…” Her eyes were on him in a way that he knew meant she was studying his reaction. There was a lot of potential in that moment to shape the girl’s thoughts. That was never his style.

“The Diamond. Yeah, she’s a really good fighter, and I can see the appeal. She’s lucky to have you.” It made sense, Dakota was at the age which would appeal to someone Marissa’s age, and she had accolades that made her stand out. Part of him wondered if Dakota considered herself to be a role model to young girls. “I feel like there’s more to it. You’re a little sad because you like her, and believe that you have to stop liking me?”

Marissa’s face looked troubled as she nodded to him. “I won’t lie to you, Marissa. Sometimes it happens, people move on.” He only had to look around at many of the older kids, some wore the darker and more dangerous fighter’s attire. They were trying on the edgier side of life, there was no guarantee that they’d ever been his fans, but there was a point where The Anvil became uncool. There were a lot of names on coats, shoes with air pumps and custom colors. Over the voices of the kids, perhaps carried on the wind, Kruger could hear the sound of synthesized drums starting up. He stood up and started to gravitate in that direction, Marissa along with her parental shadow moved along with him. “You have on an Anvil Heart hat. Do you know what it means?”

Marissa shook her head as they walked. “It means to keep your heart strong, and make room for everything you want to be there. If you do leave, you’ll always be able to come back.” He stopped walking at that point, having picked up on the tune being played. “You can count on it.” Kruger lifted the girl up to stand on the wall to the fountain’s basin. “Just always remember…” His grin filled up with amusement and mischief, his fingers started to snap in time to the music.

“I won’t let you down. So please don’t give me up. ‘Cuz I would really really love…to stick around.” He sang the words to the girl, and winked at her mother as she was encroaching on them. She’d started moving the moment that he’d lifted Marissa up to the place of prominence. He turned away from mother and daughter to continue on his way. He dropped a silver noble into the bucket in front of the park performer who was singing the chorus to Freedom 90.

That’s not what it means, that symbol you’ve chosen, though the child’s heart does feel better. PathFinder was quite matter-of-fact in the statement.

“I might be a little lost.” Kruger breathed a few times letting the silence move through him again. “My heart though…it’s changing, growing. One day the entire city will be part of it. It’ll have to be ripped out of my chest to separate us. I just hope that if that happens, what's found is something which refuses to be broken.”

Thus you sing, thus it is so? Had he sung those last words? He couldn’t recall.